To Be Continued
by Angel of Fire SG1
Summary: They had fought battles and won, but this one was at an unimaginable scale. This was one they couldn't win...SheppardWeir TeylaFord COMPLETED
1. Prologue

**To Be Continued**

**Summary: **_My version of what happens after the end of the Siege pt II..._

**Spoilers: **_Everything, specifically for Siege pt I II_

**Rating: **_PG-13_

**Pairings: **_John/Elizabeth_

**Warnings: **_None_

**Author: **_Angel of Fire SG1 (although for some reason the '1' has disappeared…)_

**Disclaimer: **_Stargate: Atlantis does not and never will belong to me…damn…_

**A/N: **_They left us on such a nasty cliffhanger and I don't think my patience will last till July, so my muse is going to make up something to keep me entertained till then…I blame a boring English class for this…_

_It starts from the last 3 minutes of the damn cliffhanger…and the prologue ends where that episode did._

* * *

**_Prologue_**

"Elizabeth wait."

Dr Elizabeth Weir spun around, following the noise of running footsteps. Major John Sheppard was halfway up the stairs when he stopped and turned to face her. Instant dread came over her, she knew exactly what he was going to do…

"You can't," she said.

"I have to and you know it."

The reply she dreaded. Of course he had to, but that didn't change the fact that she didn't want him to. Not one little bit did she want him to leave, to fly the puddlejumper, loaded with an a-bomb, up to the Wraith Hive ship and blow himself up. Just thinking of it filled her with complete and utter dread.

Sure it would save Atlantis, sure it would protect Earth, and deep inside she knew he had to do it. But he couldn't go.

She paused for a moment, wondering why she cared so much what happened to her. Or course she cared for everyone under her command, but had it been anyone else she would have understood the need and given them the go ahead already.

What was different about him?

"John…" she stopped, not quite sure what she was about to say, or what she even wanted to say.

When had she even developed feelings this deep for him? She hadn't. That could be the only plausible explanation, she didn't want him to leave because he was her friend and her close colleague. That was all.

But there in his eyes was something else, she could see in his eyes, he was trying to communicate with her, willing her to let him go and at the same time trying to show her that he didn't want to do this anymore than she wanted him to. To show…something else.

She pushed away the thought, here was her worst nightmare, picking between her friend and the city of the Ancients.

She knew there was only one option.

"Go…" she said eventually.

He nodded slightly and jogged off up the stairs, leaving Elizabeth standing alone in the control room of the large city. She closed her eyes and looked down, pushing away her fears and the tears that were developing. She didn't have the time to cry, not now, when this was all done she could lock herself in her room and cry, but until then she had to be strong.

No matter what Colonel Everett said, she would always be the first leader of the Atlantis expedition…

Her mind wandered back to John. He was gone. Most probably forever. She tried to imagine life without his optimism, without his sarcastic remarks, without his comments on sport, without his arguing with McKay, without their conversations on the balcony, without him…

Just as this thought crossed her mind the radio came to life.

"What's the status on that damn jumper?"

Colonel Everett's voice seemed foreign, Elizabeth so lost in her own thoughts that any outside noise felt foreign. Drawn back to the reality she replied.

"It's on its way," she said finally.

She turned away, knowing she had to focus. She couldn't let John's sacrifice go to waste, if that's what it came to.

* * *

Why the hell hadn't he heard anything? Colonel Everett punched the button on his radio.

"What's the status on that damn jumper?" he asked.

There was a few moments pause. What the hell was Dr Weir up to?

"It's on its way."

She sounded distant, forlorn even. He pushed away that thought and pulled back from aiming his gun over the edge of the balcony slightly.

What he didn't notice was the white body dropping down from above him. A moment later he heard his fellow marine fall to the ground. At the same time another dot appearing on his screen.

Taken over by adrenaline he spun around aiming his weapon at the alien. The wraith knocked it to the ground. Instantly he reached for his handgun, firing it into the alien's chest. It didn't even falter, kept coming at him.

Everett had flashbacks to every horror movie he'd ever seen.

He fired again.

And again.

And again…

He continued firing until he finally heard a click.

His gun was empty.

And the Wraith was mere inches in front of him…

* * *

The battle was still going on above them, she could hear the firing, but somehow it all seemed distant. Elizabeth turned and walked toward the screen which would show her whether or not the jumper had gone out.

"Dr Weir, Sheppard is taking the jumper out," Zelenka's voice came through the radio.

"I'm aware of that Dr Zelenka," she replied.

She paused for a second, trying to make a decision. If this worked someone was going to have to fly a second jumper into the other Wraith Hive ship.

"Start prepping jumper two," she said.

Everything fell silent again for a moment, Elizabeth trying not to think about who else she would have to send to their death if this worked. Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by a loud flurry of gunfire from nearby.

Teyla was in that area.

"Teyla I'm hearing gunfire, what's your status?"

Nothing.

"Teyla do you hear me?"

Still nothing.

"Teyla!"

Distant gunfire continued, but the closer stuff had ended.

Teyla wasn't replying. Elizabeth closed her eyes, that was two of her friends gone. This wasn't looking good. Was it worth it? For a city?

* * *

John watched as the other puddlejumpers fell away below him, knowing that his own jumper was rising steadily. As he exited the city he turned it towards space and took off.

"Hopefully if I take this one out, the other one will back off," he said to himself, although he knew it was wishful thinking.

But he could always hope.

He punched the button and headed out…

* * *

Elizabeth glanced at the screen for a moment, her attention moving away from the open Stargate. John was on his way. The noise of people evacuating through the Stargate was blocking out the space battle.

"We can't stay here Elizabeth," the familiar accent of Dr Carson Beckett, the Scottish doctor, came from next to her.

"He's right, they're beaming in all over the place," Canadian accent this time, Dr Rodney McKay, astrophysicist.

She looked from Rodney to Carson and then back at the screen. John would pull this off.

"We're not going anywhere," she replied.

McKay continued to look at her, curiosity on his face. She looked at him for a moment.

"Not yet," she continued, looking back at the screen.

Rodney turned and looked at the screen, after only a few moments figuring out why she wouldn't leave. There were three kinds of blips on the screen. The red of the Wraith Hive ships, the light blue of the Wraith darts and another blip, slightly larger than the darts. A puddlejumper.

The radio came to life.

"You know if this works somebody might have to do it again," John's voice came through the radio.

"Understood," Elizabeth said, having already prepared herself for this.

* * *

"Gotta keep up!" Lt Aiden Ford shouted, running along the narrow balcony. "Over there!"

The officer running behind him. As he rounded the corner a purplish beam appeared in front of them. He halted in his tracks.

Suddenly he found himself facing a squadron of Wraith.

_Hold your ground, _he told himself, continuing to aim his weapon at the aliens.

The noise from behind him confirmed that there were more Wraith attacking from behind. The ones they had previously been running from…

This wasn't looking good…

* * *

Rodney reached forward, pushing a button on the screen and enlarging the radar. The way the jumper was flying, it was very obviously being flown by someone. He turned back to face Elizabeth.

"You let Sheppard fly that jumper?" he asked, shocked that she would.

He got no reply, just a cold hard stare from the leader of Atlantis. She had let him fly the jumper, but she wasn't happy about it. In fact he swore he saw something inside her…fear?

He turned back to the screen.

"Help me arm the self destruct in case this fails."

Her voice was firm, but beneath it Rodney could sense that same fear. He left the screen and walked over to where Elizabeth was typing in her code. He watched her for a second, worried about her. Then he bent over and typed in his own codes.

The noise of the self destruct countdown began.

They were going to blow up Atlantis.

Sheppard was already on his way to blowing himself up.

And who knew where Teyla and Ford were.

"Haven't detected my approach," Sheppard's voice came over the radio. "Weapon is armed and ready. I'm going in…"

**A/N: **_I know its an evil cliffhanger...not my fault! It's the whole reason this fic popped into my head! Next chapter I'll start my version of what happens next :D_


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: **_Ok well Ant is gonna kill me for updating this and not my SG-1/JAG crossover, but really my brain is just frozen on that one…and it was such a nasty cliffhanger I have to keep writing…

* * *

_

**Chapter One**

"Haven't detected my approach," John's spoke into the radio. "Weapon is armed and ready. I'm going in…"

"Good luck," Rodney's voice came back over the radio.

He was saddened for a moment at the thought of never seeing his friends again. In the months they'd spent at Atlantis he'd developed some kind of weird friendship with Rodney McKay – someone he would never have thought it possible for him to have had any kind of friendship with.

"Thanks Rodney," John replied, trying to concentrate on the closing in Wraith Hive Ship.

"John."

He sighed, not outwardly, more of an inward slump. He didn't want to say goodbye to her, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't know what had happened but he couldn't do it, he didn't want to.

"Good luck," she said quietly, much more to the words than merely 'good luck'.

"You too," he replied, hoping she would understand.

She meant a lot to him, more than he'd even realised until that moment in the briefing room. Something had clicked at the moment, showing him how his feelings for the leader of Atlantis were something more than friendship.

And he'd seen that moment echoed in her eyes.

He shook the thoughts from his head, he had other things to concentrate on. If he got out of this alive, which was highly unlikely, he could deal with it. At that moment he had to save them, his friends, the people who had become his family, the city of the Ancients, and he had to do that as quick as possible.

For a moment his mind wandered to Ford and Teyla, wondering where the remaining two members of his team had disappeared to…he could only hope they were OK as the Wraith ship became the only thing visible through the front window of the jumper…

* * *

Teyla Emmagan opened her eyes, letting her vision slowly focus. Above her was a somewhat familiar ceiling. Immediately she knew where she was, the feeling of dread she had inside signalled that there was only place she could possibly be. 

On a Wraith ship.

Immediately she was on her feet, ready to defend herself in the case of a Wraith coming. Beside her lay a few of the Earth soldiers that had recently appeared through the gate. She was not familiar with them, and they both seemed to be unconscious.

A scream echoed the hallways.

Teyla tried to block out the noise. For a moment she wondered whether she was on a hive ship or a dart. Not that it mattered, either way she had to do what she could to stop the ship attacking Atlantis anymore.

She stood up and moved towards the web that covered the entrance to the cell. There was no one guarding it, but in the distance she could see some kind of window, and outside the window noticed the stars moving and the occasional glimpse of light from elsewhere.

She was on something fast moving.

A Dart.

* * *

Ford stared into the eyes of the Wraith. He couldn't falter, if he faltered the marines who he was leading would follow. Although they had no idea what they were up against, he was sure they were just as scared as him. 

The Wraith in front of him moved forward.

Ford opened his P90 on it.

It moved back for a second, before grinning and coming towards him again.

Ford continued firing.

Seeming to realise that the weapon was in fact doing him some damage, the Wraith stepped back slightly and raised its stunner, firing on Ford.

He fell to the ground, the world around him going black…

* * *

Carson stared at the screen, he hadn't moved since McKay had pointed out Sheppard was the one flying the jumper. He was shocked that Elizabeth had let him fly it, and even more shocked that any of this was actually happening. 

He had never asked to be involved with the whole shenanigan, but now he was stuck here, watching his friends die one by one.

Peter Grodin had been the first to go. Carson still couldn't believe that one, and here he was watching Major Sheppard flying a puddlejumper armed with an atomic bomb into the heart of an alien spaceship.

Shock.

That was the only word that could describe how he was feeling. The proper medical term could only be shock.

He felt Rodney and Elizabeth appeared on either side of him, the same feelings of anxiety emanating from both of them. The insistent clanging noise of the self-destruct the only noise in the room. The Stargate had shut down, the noise of evacuation ceased. A large amount of the people in the control room had already evacuated, leaving only the military teams wandering around the base.

And the three of them in the control room.

"Why'd you let him go?" Rodney spoke up, looking in Elizabeth's direction.

"It was the only way," Elizabeth replied, not moving her eyes, leaving them on the screen.

"He's going to _die!_" Rodney shouted.

"You think I don't realise that, Rodney?" she shouted back, looking at him now.

Silence fell over the room again as they glared at each other. Carson still couldn't bring himself to remove his eyes from the screen, watching the small blip grow ever closer to the large one.

"There could have been another way," Rodney said, turning back to the screen.

"There wasn't enough time," Elizabeth replied.

"We would have found something," Rodney said.

"Trust me, Rodney, if there was something else I would have gladly taken that option!" Elizabeth said, raising her voice again.

"Oh and you make the mistake of thinking you're the only one here who cares about Sheppard!" Rodney shouted. "That you get to make all the decisions concerning his life!"

Elizabeth fell silent again, turning back to the screen. For a long moment Carson thought she wouldn't acknowledge Rodney with a reply.

"It was his choice," she said quietly, after a few moments. "We all know it's the only way, lets just hope this works."

Rodney fell silent. Carson understood his anger came from fear, fear at losing his friend, another one, in such a short time span. That it wouldn't work, that he would lose his friend for nothing.

Carson understood completely.

He'd never wanted to come to this galaxy, but now he couldn't imagine living anywhere else, with anyone else. He didn't like how the Wraith had come and ruined the illusion he'd had of a safe perfect world, that illusion only having been shattered once or twice in the past year.

"What if the second one doesn't back off?" Carson asked.

"Then someone else will have to repeat it," Elizabeth replied.

"That won't work," Rodney replied. "The Wraith aren't stupid, they're not gonna fall for the same trick twice."

"We'll see," Elizabeth replied, returning her attention back to the screen.

The three stood there in silence, watching the events unfold in front of them. The puddlejumper disappeared inside the Wraith Hive ship. Carson felt the fear rise inside of him again, eating him from the inside. Sheppard was about to die.

* * *

Elizabeth watched the blip. She felt fear coming from so many directions. What if it didn't work? What if this was all for nothing? She tried to push it away. Even if this worked, there were still Wraith on Atlantis, the battle wasn't over yet. 

Still she couldn't draw herself away from the screen. She watched the blip move. Then it was gone. After a few moments the Wraith ship flickered and disappeared along with it. She should have been overwhelmed with joy at the defeat of another hive ship, but she wasn't. She found herself wondering if the city was worth it.

Too late.

He was gone.

"The second Wraith hive ship has been destroyed," came the announcement from the Canadian technician who had temporarily taken over Grodin's job.

Permanently…taken over Grodin's job.

She took in a deep breath and tore her eyes away from the screen. "Thank you," she paused for a moment. "Carson."

The doctor spun around, looking surprised at having heard his name. "Yes?"

"I need you to go to the infirmary, get any leftover medical supplies and head to the alpha site," Elizabeth ordered.

He looked distraught for a moment. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I think I would prefer to stay here. You need someone with the ancient gene…I know there are a lot of people here with the gene, but the more the better."

"No arguments, Carson," Elizabeth replied.

He looked at her for a moment, as if he were about to say something else, but then nodded and walked out of the control room. Elizabeth turned to Rodney.

"Don't even think about asking me to leave," he said.

It only took the smallest moment to understand he meant it. The expression on his face showed he was distraught. She took a few seconds to dwell on the fact that Rodney McKay had changed in the last year, more than anyone else who had joined the Atlantis expedition.

"I wasn't going to ask you to," she replied.

"Good," he said.

Elizabeth folded her arms and looked down for a moment, her thoughts returning to John Sheppard.

"He's really gone…" Rodney said, more to himself or anything.

He always knew exactly the worst thing to say at any moment.

"Yes, Rodney, he's really gone," she said coldly.

"I'm sorry Elizabeth I didn't mean…"

But she was gone, disappearing up the staircase to her office…

* * *

**A/N: **_You don't REALLY think I'm gonna leave him dead do you? But so great for character reaction..._


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N: **_OK there may be hints of Teyla/Fordness in here from now on…lol can't say I'm a massive shipper for them or anything but it just happened this way...there's a reason for it later in the fic..._

**Chapter Two**

Elizabeth reached the top of the stairs and paused, not quite sure where she was going. She silently cursed her situation, but knew there was nothing she could do but fight it out. That's what she was there for, that was why they had hired her.

To fight a war?

That wasn't why they'd hired her. They'd hired her as a diplomat, as a negotiator. She wasn't there to fight a war, she was there to make friends with the people of the Pegasus galaxy. Instead they'd managed to re-start a war long before it should have happened.

Now it was their duty to stop the war.

"Elizabeth?"

She closed her eyes briefly as she turned around to face Rodney. Opening her eyes she met the worried expression of her friend.

"Is everything…"

"It's fine," she snapped at him.

Taken aback by her hostility he paused. She instantly felt guilty, McKay was going through exactly the same thing as she was. They had both lost friends that day. She took in a deep breath and moved forward slightly.

"I'm sorry, Rodney…" she said.

"It's OK…we're all having a bad day," he said.

She smiled slightly. "Understatement of the century."

Just at that moment gunfire came from somewhere nearby. Rodney grabbed a handgun that someone had left carelessly on the ground. Elizabeth turned around, aware that the gunfire was _extremely_ close to where they were.

"Colonel," she said into her radio. "Colonel Everett we need backup…"

Silence.

No time to worry about where he was.

"Lieutenant Ford," she spoke through the radio again.

Nothing.

"Damnit," she said, more to herself than McKay.

As she looked up at her co-worker she noticed something strange. The look of fear that had accompanied him for the past hour or so had completely melded into a look of determination, one she was used to seeing on the faces of John or Ford, but not on the face of Rodney McKay.

For a moment it scared her, but she didn't have the time for that.

"This way," McKay said, starting towards the direction the gunfire had originated from.

Elizabeth paused before following him. She wished for a moment that John was there, but she knew that was impossible.

He was gone.

God why couldn't she stop thinking about it? She closed her eyes briefly, pushing it away, knowing that there was time to deal with it later. She took off after Rodney, wishing for the first time in her life that someone had taught her to fire a weapon…

* * *

Ford opened his eyes, some kind of shockwave moving the ground beneath his feet. He blinked a couple of times. He wasn't on Atlantis, in fact he was sure he was on something built by the Wraith. He began to lever himself up when he felt a hand on his shoulder, preventing him from sitting up.

Looking over he saw the familiar face of the person kneeling next to him

"Teyla…" he said, "Where are we?"

A sad smile crossed her face for a moment, before her expression returned to anxiety. "We are aboard a Wraith hive ship, the only remaining one. We were transported here by different darts…they threw you in here about five minutes ago."

"How long have you…"

"Not much longer than you," Teyla replied. "But I have been conscious for a greater amount of time."

"Can I sit up?" he asked.

She looked at her hand placed on the top of his arm, before removing it. He sat up, now able to see over Teyla's shoulder. What he saw made his insides freeze. Three Wraith guards stood at the entrance of the cell, two with their faces covered by some kind of masks.

The third reminded Ford of Steve.

He shuddered, turning his eyes back to Teyla's. She saw the fear in his eyes.

"They have been there for some time, they are not there to take us as food, I have a feeling we are wanted for something else," Teyla informed him.

Ford didn't reply, instead he shifted his attention back to the three life-suckers standing nearby. He had only ever faced them in a situation where he had the upper hand, never before had he felt so vulnerable in their presence…

* * *

John Sheppard blinked at the bright light that met his eyes as he opened them slowly. As it slowly faded away he turned his head to the left. He knew this place, but he hadn't been there for a long time.

It was the park his grandpa had always taken him.

He sat up slowly, leaving the soft cushioning of the grass he had been lying on. He knew exactly where he was. Underneath the tree he had accompanied so many afternoons after school.

"Hi."

He looked up, a small boy, around the age of ten, was standing in front of him, smiling.

"Hi…" John replied.

"I'm Marco," the boy said.

"I'm John…"

"I know."

"Where am I?" John asked, standing up slowly.

He looked around. There was the basketball court where he'd played with his sister, the tennis courts he'd never used, the football ground he had, the playground he'dplayed on as a child.

But he couldn't be there, he distinctly remembered being in Atlantis, being in the puddlejumper, blowing himself up…

"You are here…"

"I know…but see that's not possible," John said.

"Anything is possible if you believe it to be true…"

John narrowed his eyes at the boy, turning to look at him again. "You're an ancient."

A slow smile crept over his face, a smile which John could not read into. It could have meant anything, but John took it as a 'yes' to answering his question.

John suddenly felt a shiver crawl up his spine. A thought overcoming him, one he had never considered.

"Am I dead?"

"You are between," the boy replied.

"So I'm dead…" he said, more to himself than to the boy in front of him.

The boy did not reply. Instead before him John noticed someone, a girl, running towards them. She would have been no older than eight, her dark brown hair bounced behind her as she jogged, as she got closer John could see her brown eyes, a smile in them. Her white dress, the only colour a pale green ribbon tied around her waist.

"John!" she said, stopping before him and smiling.

He realised after a moment that the small boy was gone.

"Katie…" he whispered.

"I'm glad you came back to visit John!" she said.

He felt his insides turn inside out. She couldn't be standing there. She shouldn't be standing there. Yet she was so clear. Tears felt so close. He continued to look at the small girl, the figure who was his sister.

Last time he'd seen his sister he'd been nine.

And she'd been dead.

He closed his eyes, the image of the three familiar headstones in front of him.

_Katherine Joan Sheppard  
__  
Marie Katherine Taylor Sheppard_

_William James Sheppard_

He opened his eyes and without thinking knelt down and grabbed the girl, pulling her into a hug. He felt like he was back as a nine-year-old. The feelings of being abandoned, of betrayal, of loneliness…

Suddenly he was hugging nothing, again finding himself faced by the small boy.

"You have a choice to make…" the boy said.

"What did you do with Katie?" John said, his tone not that of a man his age, but of a child who had had their favourite toy taken away from them.

"You can join her, or you can join us," he said.

John leaned back, resting on his heels, looking up at the boy. "You mean I can die or ascend…"

The boy again answered his question with a secretive grin.

"Yeah that's what I thought," John sighed.

* * *

**A/N: **_Strange I know…but you'll see where it'll all come in later…-D! _


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N: **_And there's more...thanks SOO much for all the reviews! _

* * *

**Chapter Three**

Rodney stopped dead in his tracks. Elizabeth almost ran directly into him, her mind elsewhere. She could have sworn the gunfire had been close by, and yet they'd found nothing. She moved around Rodney, trying to see why he'd stopped.

Before her lay a shrivelled up corpse. She froze. Never in her life had she seen such a thing. Rodney seemed left perturbed by the site than she was, she guessed it must be what happened to someone after being attacked by a Wraith.

"Oh my god…" she finally said.

"It's the Colonel," Rodney said, so quietly she could barely hear him.

She looked at the uniform on the shrivelled thing that had once been a person. It was a marine uniform, and now she looked harder she could recognised it as Colonel Everett's.

"We need to keep moving," she said, still unable to tear her eyes away from the unbelievable site before her.

Rodney nodded in agreement, being the first to move. He stepped over the dead Colonel and kept walking. As Elizabeth followed him she discovered another body which had also had the life sucked out of it. This wasn't looking good.

Rodney stopped, turning around slowly. "Elizabeth we have to leave…"

She didn't looked at him, couldn't bring herself to do so, she knew he was right. But what if John was alive? What if he came back and there was no one here but the Wraith…

"He's not coming back, Elizabeth."

That was enough to draw her eyes to his. "You don't know that."

"Elizabeth he flew a nuclear bomb inside an enemy spaceship," Rodney said.

She chose not to answer him, instead glaring at him. She felt utter and completely anger towards Rodney. She resisted the urge to throw him a punch, Elizabeth Weir didn't punch people.

She sighed, looking away. She wasn't angry at Rodney, she was angry at the Wraith. Hated them for coming in and ruining the life she'd so happily adapted to. Killing her friends, killing the people who had become her family.

Killing him.

"You're right," she said. "We have to evacuate."

She turned around and headed back towards the control room, from there she could make an announcement to anyone still left on the base. The Daedalus wasn't coming fast enough, by the time it got there it would be too late.

They moved quickly, in silence, to the control room. As they got there Elizabeth felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Rounding the corner her suspicions were confirmed. She moved her hand in front of Rodney to stop him from walking any further.

The control room was now under the control of at least ten Wraith.

"I say we go for option two, taking the puddlejumper," Elizabeth said.

Rodney looked at her, "You want me to fly us outta here? I don't think that's wise…"

"Do you have a better idea Rodney?" she asked.

"For once, no…" he replied.

She paused for a moment, considering her options. Then, seeming to make a decision, turned around and moved swiftly away from the control room and the Wraith. Rodney followed her closely, the handgun still gripped tightly in his fist.

* * *

Ford decided that if he was ever going to build a wall, it wasn't going to be as uncomfortable to lean against as the one in the Hive ship. Half an hour of leaning against that wall was enough to give him aches and pains in places he didn't even know existed.

Teyla seemed less uncomfortable than him. He guessed she was probably more used to leaning against not-quite-smooth walls than he was.

In a way he was glad she was there with him, it made him less afraid. Although he could sense the fear coming from her, somehow that calmed him down slightly. The knowledge that he wasn't alone, that he was accompanied by his friend. He could only hope that if the Wraith came and took one of them that it was him, that they'd let her go.

He didn't want anything to happen to her.

"They have not taken us for feeding upon," Teyla said suddenly.

Ford wondered for a moment if she'd read his mind. He turned to look at her.

"Well why the hell else would they take us?" he asked.

"Remember how I told you that some used to be taken and returned…?" Teyla said.

"You don't think…"

Teyla nodded slightly.

The small bit of calmness that had already taken over Ford was gone. It was one thing to have the life sucked out of you and die, but it was completely different to be experimented on for months on end.

"We have to get out of here," Ford said.

"It is not possible at the moment, but perhaps if we wait until they transport us to another facility…"

She trailed off as there was a loud shout of some kind and the three Wraith guarding their cell ran off towards the direction of the cell.

"What was that about?" Ford asked.

"They spoke the word 'ship'…" Teyla said. "I believe the human vessel has arrived."

"Some good that'll do us," Ford remarked.

"It is better we are dead and Atlantis safe, than we are used to experiment on," Teyla said.

"True," Ford replied. "True…"

* * *

"You know I still can't figure out exactly how this whole ascension thing works…" John said to the small boy. 

"I can not help you, merely give you the option of achieving it," the boy said.

John frowned. "What if I chose death?"

The boy turned around, pointing out past the end of the playground to where the bike path entered a tunnel. There was a strange bright light coming from inside the tunnel.

"So I just walk through there?" John asked.

In some ways he was curious, what was death like? Would he meet them there? His family. He closed his eyes, remembering them. Remembering the horrible gut wrenching feeling when he'd found out. He still remembered it all perfectly.

_John sat on the uncomfortable chair. He hated being here with all the boring adults, he wanted his cousins to get there so they could go outside and play cops and robbers. But when they turned up his sister would turn up and she was irritating…why'd she always have to do _everything_ with him?_

_Weddings sucked._

_He'd come up with that conclusion before he'd even gotten to the wedding, but now it was confirmed. He wondered where the others were…_

_Just at that moment his uncle arrived. But there were no cousins? Where was George and Ron? His uncle scanned the room, before his eyes laid to rest on John._

_John's insides froze as his uncle began to move towards him._

_He knew instantly._

_"John…can you come with me please?" his uncle said._

_He remained speechless, but stood up and followed his uncle out of the room. All eyes were on the two of them, the room eerily silent. His uncle stopped and bent down, making himself equal height with John._

_"No…" John said._

_"There was an accident…" _

_"No!" he repeated with more force. "I hate you!"_

_Before his uncle had even finished what he was going to say John bolted, ran out the door of the reception hall and out onto the lawn. The rain fell over him, drenching him from head to toe instantly. But he didn't care._

_His life was over now. A shattered plate lying aimlessly on the ground, with no one to clean it up..._

"Well?" the boy's voice came through John's memories.

John opened his eyes, staring at the boy in front of him. He was now full of emotion, he couldn't bring himself to make a decision at that moment.

"Soon…" John replied, then speaking more quietly he repeated it. "Soon…"

* * *

Beckett stared at the infirmary. He was sure he had everything he needed. Grabbing the bag of equipment he'd gathered that the others had left behind he turned around to head back towards the gateroom. He was faced with two figures. 

He jumped before realising who it was.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he asked.

Elizabeth ignored his comment and pushed him back inside the infirmary, shutting the door behind her.

"What are you doing?" Beckett asked.

"The Wraith are everywhere," Rodney replied. "And they're hungry."

"What's happened to everyone else?" Beckett asked.

Neither of them answered his question. He felt something inside of him drop away. Were they trying to say that everyone on Atlantis was dead except for them?

This was why he'd wanted to stay home, in Scotland, with his mum, safe and sound. Where his biggest worry was keeping his mother's plants alive and her foot fungi dead. He'd never in his life wanted to fight aliens in another galaxy.

"They're all dead…" he stated.

"Quite probably, yes," Rodney replied, sitting down on one of the hospital beds.

"Well…we can't just sit here!" Beckett said.

"They have the control room, we have no access to the Stargate," Rodney said, his voice rising in irritation.

"Jumpers…" Elizabeth said quietly.

"What?" Rodney asked, not having heard her properly.

"We have Carson now, we can escape in a jumper," she said, nodding at Beckett. "You think you can fly it?"

He nodded. "As long as you don't ask me to fly any nuclear bombs inside Wraith hive ships…"

A flicker of emotion crossed Elizabeth's face, but in a moment it was gone. The shield raised again. She turned around and walked back over to the door, Rodney and Carson following her. Now they just had to find their way to the jumper bay…

* * *

**A/N: **_Had to write something tonight! Been reading fan fic and watching shippy vids ALL night! Hope you liked! Reviews always appreciated :D _


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N: **_More…written very early in the morning – so excuse any mistakes…

* * *

_

**Chapter Four**

The jumper bay seemed empty and ominous. Elizabeth's eyes fell immediately on the empty spot, where she knew another jumper should be parked. She felt something wrench inside her chest and she stopped, eyes still staring at the empty parking spot.

His sacrifice had been for nothing.

She wished he was there, he always knew what to do, always made the right decisions. Thinking back she knew she should have trusted him more. Being who he was he didn't always respect authority, but he usually made good decisions. At the time when he'd disobeyed her decision she'd felt betrayed, felt as though he didn't trust her.

But she knew now, she'd known then…he trusted her.

But there was no way John Sheppard could not protect someone, it was his duty. He'd save anyone he thought deserved it. Especially Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth are you coming?"

Rodney pulled her out of her thoughts. She realised she was still staring at the empty jumper park. Drawing herself back to reality she turned around to face the two men.

"Yes," she said, walking past them and into the nearest jumper.

She could feel her insides falling to pieces. She couldn't take much more of this. Of loss, of losing and of the knowledge that John wasn't coming back.

She hadn't even realised when she'd grown such a dependence on him being there. Why did she have to go and be so stupid? She'd never wanted to develop feelings for anyone on Atlantis, she'd made that decision when she'd left home. It was half the reason she hadn't broken it off with Simon then.

Simon had been her way of stopping herself from giving in.

But it hadn't worked. She'd felt some kind of strange connection to John Sheppard from the moment she'd met him, and now it had strengthened into some much more…

"Dr Weir…is everything all right?" Beckett's voice came through her thoughts.

She refocused her eyes on the figure standing in front of her, a worried expression written all over his face.

"I will be," she replied.

She walked past him to the front of the jumper and sat down in the seat behind the pilots. Beckett took his seat in the pilot's position and McKay in the co-pilots. None of them talked, it was as though a silent agreement had been made.

They were to head for the mainland and hide there until…

"Atlantis this is the Daedalus are you there?"

Elizabeth immediately switched into diplomat roll. She moved forward and pressed the button on the radio.

"Daedalus this is Dr Weir, reading you," she said.

"Where the hell have you been Dr? We've been trying to hail you for twenty minutes at least," the voice came back.

"I'm guessing our communications have been disabled…we're currently in a ship planning to head towards the mainland…"

"The men we sent through the Stargate?"

Elizabeth paused. "Dead."

There was a pause from the other end. "All of them?"

"I'm sure there are still some roaming the base, but not for long," Elizabeth replied.

"Understood," there was a slight pause before, "head towards the mainland as you planned we will contact you when this is all over."

The radio fell silent again. Elizabeth leaned back and sat in her prior seat.

"Should I go?" Beckett asked, looking to her for instructions.

She nodded.

The Daedalus wasn't going to defeat the Wraith hive ship.

"Wait…" she said.

With that she stood up and bolted out of the puddlejumper. She returned a few minutes later, pushing a large trolley. On it stood something which made both Beckett and Rodney gape at her.

The remaining bomb.

* * *

Neither of them had heard a word since the Wraith had disappeared, murmuring of a newly arrived ship. Ford felt a weight slowly press against his shoulder. He looked down to find Teyla's head resting there.

He opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. He hadn't even noticed her etching closer to him in the half hour or so since the Wraith had disappeared. He slowly moved his hand down to touch hers lightly.

She took it and gripped it tightly.

He suddenly realised how afraid she was. Teyla never showed this side of her. But here she was gripping his hand and leaning against him. He swallowed his own fear of being experimented on by the Wraith and squeezed her hand slightly, attempting to calm her.

"I am afraid," she said quietly in response.

"I know," he replied. "Me too."

* * *

He couldn't die. Yet he was afraid of what would happen if he ascended. He didn't know what ascension was like…

But he knew they had power. And couldn't that help him defend Atlantis from the Wraith?

He closed his eyes again, the image of his sister popping into his head. He'd wanted to see her for so many years, and she'd been right there, only to be yanked away from within his grasp. He could see her again, if he walked through that tunnel.

And his parents.

All of them…

But then there was his friends at Atlantis. He had to save them if he could, had to save the city, had to protect Earth.

And then there was Elizabeth.

He wanted so badly to see her again. It wasn't until he was here, faced with the decision of never seeing her again that he realised exactly how much he wanted to. Although she could not see him, he would be able to watch her, make sure she was safe.

He wanted to run to her, hold her in his arms and hug her until…as long as he could. Wanted to show her how much he cared about her. It wasn't that he was in love with her…was it?

He opened his eyes, the electrical jolt of emotion now running within his chest overwhelming him. He couldn't possible be in love with her, he would know if he was.

Right?

Or maybe that's what this was…

He'd spent so long hiding from emotions, distancing himself from people. The same reason he'd defy orders to turn back and save a friend or colleague was the reason that he made sure those friends or colleagues never became too close to him.

Sure he'd dated girls, but he'd always made sure he kept away from emotional attachment.

He couldn't lose anyone again…

He stood up.

"I'm ready…" he said.

"You are not," the boy said, appearing next to him.

"What do you mean?" John asked.

"You do not believe yourself worthy of ascension," the boy said.

John felt rage build up inside himself, but he quickly calmed it down.

"Of course I don't," he muttered, sitting back down underneath his tree and closing his eyes.

What the hell did the small Ancient boy want him to exactly do? He'd made his decision…

But apparently it wasn't as easy as that.

* * *

**A/N: **_I know its short! But I just thought I'd get this up tonight while I was in the mood. _


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

John stood up, walking slowly towards the playground he had once played on with his sister. He held his hand out and touched the swing, lightly pushing it. It felt as real as it had the day he'd run to that park and kicked it in anger, hard, breaking the plastic seat.

He sat down on it slowly, surprised that he still fitted within the constraints of the metal chains that held the small plastic seat up.

He begun swinging his feet, jerking the swing into motion. The familiar feeling of forward, back, forward, back. This was where he'd decided he wanted to be a pilot. He leaned back , holding himself up with his arms, looking towards the sky.

It had been an autumn afternoon. He remembered hearing the chopper before he even noticed anything else. The sirens followed slowly after. But he hadn't looked up, there were always sirens in this area. The chopper however wasn't something he saw every day.

He remembered a scream.

It was then that he'd sat up. There was a car, maroon and a new enough model, driving through the park and it had almost run over a lady. John watched, captivated, as two police cars followed the runaway car. The helicopter following from overhead.

He'd gone back to his uncle's later that night, seen the rest of the chase on the TV. The runaway car, which had been an escaped murderer, had eventually had the tires shot out by a sniper from the helicopter.

It had left an impression on John.

He wanted to help people, and somehow that had struck him as a good way to do it.

He sat up again on the swing, looking around. There were others there.

"Why me?" he said allowed.

They ignored him, merely continued with their activities.

"Why me?" he repeated to himself.

He needed to help, needed to stop the Wraith. He couldn't do that sitting here in some place between existence and extinction. He stopped the swing and stood up again. He'd spent his whole life trying to help people, to fight for what he believed in.

The boy appeared next to him again.

"You are ready…" he said.

"What changed?" John asked.

The boy did not reply butbegan to glow, the park around them slowly disappearing into blackness…

* * *

"Are you serious?" Rodney said.

She chose not to reply to him. Instead she made sure the bomb was secure before sitting down again.

"Carson, the mainland," she said.

A look of relief washed over both their faces. Beckett turned around and started the puddlejumper. They slowly rose to the roof, cloaking themselves before they made their way out into the sky of the planet, headed for the mainland. The darts had stopped attacking now, a sign that the Wraith believed they had won.

Elizabeth realised she'd hadn't slept for days. She made the decision that when they made it back to the mainland they would take turns getting some rest. Rodney first, he hadn't slept for an even greater amount of time than her.

* * *

Teyla looked up as he heard footsteps. The Wraith guard that resembled Steve had returned, he did not look happy. Not that the Wraith ever did, but this one looked particularly unfriendly. She removed her head from Ford's shoulder, not wanting to appear weak to the Wraith, but as she felt him begin to pull his hand away she tightened her grip.

She saw out of the corner of her eye him looking at her curiously. He was probably wondering why she was showing her fear so outwardly. She wasn't sure either, all she knew was that she was feeling sick with fear. The presence of the Wraith churning her insides to begin with.

To be killed by the Wraith was one thing, but to be experimented on could only be worse. The tales she had heard, the horror stories she'd been told as a child, were all coming true.

"Stand," the Wraith said.

They both rose to their feet slowly. Teyla let go of Ford's hand, still not wanting to show weakness to the Wraith. It was one thing they were taught from a very young age, never to show weakness in the presence of evil.

"You…" he said, pointing at Teyla.

The web-like bars drew back into the wall as the Wraith stepped forward.

"With me," he said, walking towards them, his stunner pointed at her.

She swallowed, afraid of what she was wanted for. Quietly she hoped that they were there merely for feeding, but her gut instinct told her otherwise. She stepped forward towards the Wraith, trying to look strong.

"Take me," Ford said, stepping in front of her.

The Wraith looked down at him, moving his head slightly, as if judging his opponent.

"Aiden…" Teyla said quietly. "It's OK…"

"No it's not," he replied, still not facing her. "You've been through enough."

"We all have…" she whispered back, touching his arm lightly with her hand.

"Enough," the Wraith barked, and with the swift movement of his hand knocked Ford to the ground.

Teyla jumped at the sudden action. Her instinct was to run to his side, but she knew that was impossible, it would only result in more injury to either of them.

The Wraith glared at the Lieutenant one more time before grabbing Teyla by the arm and marching her out of the room. She glanced over her shoulder back at Ford.

The look in his eyes cut through her, she felt a sudden realisation, he didn't want anything to happen to her. As she wanted nothing to happen to him. The web closed over the doorway again, locking him inside, alone.

She found herself being pulled around the corner, Ford now out of site. She turned to face forward, to brave what fate lay before her.

As she glanced out a window to her right she noticed something strange.

They were in hyperspace.

* * *

"Dr Weir this is Colonel Caldwell of the Daedalus."

Elizabeth looked up from her chair. She'd sent Rodney and Carson to sleep, both of them looking as though they were ready to collapse on their feet. Her thoughts had been on the city, on Earth. She could only hope that the Wraith were yet to figure out how to dial it. They had erased as much knowledge as possible of how to dial Earth, but she wasn't sure that was enough.

"Reading you Daedalus," she spoke into the radio.

"The third hive ship has disappeared into hyperspace," the man replied.

"Is that a good or bad thing, Colonel?" she asked.

"We are heading towards the city now, hopefully we can reclaim it. I recommend you remain on the mainland until we have done so," the Colonel said.

Normally she would have rebutted with a response along the lines of 'With all due respect Colonel, we're not entirely useless in a fight', but at that moment she didn't have the energy or the will to fight and from the look of things neither did the other two.

"Understood, Colonel," she replied instead.

"Over and out," he replied.

She leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes. She was ready to collapse right there and then. She wish it had all never happened. She wondered where Ford and Teyla were, what had happened to all of Colonel Everett's men. She knew exactly what had happened to John.

_"__Elizabeth__ wait…"_

_"You can't."_

_"I have to and you know it…"_

_"John…"_

She opened her eyes, staring blankly ahead, out of the puddlejumper window, at the rugged landscape of the mainland. Where had this all gone wrong? It was supposed to be an exploratory expedition. No one was supposed to die, especially not to this scale. She could only be happy that the majority of the original expedition team were safe on the alpha site.

But it was the people closest to her she'd lost.

Grodin.

Ford.

Teyla.

Zelenka? Who knew where he was…

John…

She felt tears rising up inside her. She wanted to push them away, but deep down inside knew they needed to come out at some time, and it was better done at that moment than when Rodney and Carson weren't awake.

Her eyes stung, her vision turning blurry. And then she broke down completely, pulling her legs up and hugging her knees, feeling her shaking as her emotions flooded out of her. It was all too much to comprehend, too much to feel.

She didn't like the lack of control she had over her emotions at that point. She had never felt so alone. So much was expected of her, and she'd failed them. She'd allowed them to die.

She'd allowed him to die.

She bit down on her bottom lip to prevent herself from crying out loud. She tried to calm herself down slightly, only to find her shaking become more violent.

What she was unaware of was the figure of Rodney McKay standing behind her, watching her, unable to reach out and help her...

* * *

**A/N:** _More coming soon..._


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

"Elizabeth…"

She turned around. She was no longer in the puddlejumper, instead she found herself standing somewhere, a park. It was void of people. It was an evening in fall, the sun on its way to setting behind the multi-coloured trees.

He was there.

"What…" she stopped, unable to form a sentence.

"I need you to know some things," he said.

She was completely in shock, staring at the man in front of her. She knew it wasn't real, couldn't be real, it wasn't possible for him to be standing there…unless…

"You're ascended," she stated, surprised at her calm.

"This is where I can make a difference for now," he replied.

She felt shaky, not quite sure of herself. Somehow standing here, wherever here was, unnerved her. But he was there. She felt a surge of emotion towards the man in front of her. Feeling the need to say something she spoke quietly.

"John…I…"

"Elizabeth, I need you remember this…" he paused, making sure for a moment that she was listening. "Ford and Teyla are on a Wraith hive ship, they're heading for a planet named Fergona, the Athonians will know it…you have to save them, the Wraith are planning on experimenting on them, in the way Teyla's people once were, in the last culling…"

Elizabeth took this all in at once. Immediately switching into her leadership role she pushed aside all emotion, ready for action. If she could save Ford and Teyla its what she had to do…

"Thank you, John," she said. "I'll get right on it…"

Ready for him to leave, less emotion ridden now that she knew in a way he was safe and that she had a task to focus her energy on.

"Elizabeth…" he said, his tone changed, it was softer, more careful, cautious even.

"Yes?" she replied.

He moved closer to her, moving his hand and brushing the back of it against her cheek, pushing her wavy hair back behind her ears. She felt the burst of emotion come back. Why was he doing this? Did he want to make it more difficult for her?

"John, don't," she said. "I can't…"

"I need you to know Elizabeth," he said, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder, lightly touching the base of her neck. "I'm going to do something, and I don't know what's going to happen to me…but its against the rules, just being here is against the rules, so the reaction of the others can't be good…"

She opened her mouth to speak but he shook his head slightly, signalling for her to remain silent.

"I want you to be safe, Elizabeth…and I want you to be happy," he said, leaning forward and placing a kiss on her forehead.

She felt her insides melt away, her internal barriers folding into themselves. How could she ever be happy without him there? As he pulled away from her she followed him, standing up slightly to place her mouth against his. He seemed as surprised as she was at her action.

After a few moments he began to move his mouth against hers, at first slowly, cautious of what he was doing. Hesitant even. As she responded to him he deepened the kiss. Feeling his tongue working its way into her mouth she did the same. It had developed into a kiss of passion, of goodbye. She had never felt so much emotion in one kiss, so much untold, so much realised, so much that could never be…

Elizabeth wanted to cry, to hold him forever, to bury herself against his chest and wait until it was all over. But she knew that was impossible. She felt as though she should pull back, stop the kiss now. But it was too late, she'd already shown him all her emotion, emotion she never shown anyone, not even Simon. She wanted him to understand what his loss had meant to her.

He obviously sensed her inner battle because he pulled back, staring into her eyes. His hands were placed on either side of her face.

"I have to go," he said, quietly, leaning his forehead against hers.

"I know," she replied.

"Good luck," he said.

"You too…"

And then he was gone. She was left alone in the dream-like world. Slowly she sat down, head in hands.

"I love you," she whispered to herself, hoping that somehow, out there, he could hear her.

* * *

Rodney watched his sleeping friend. She looked peaceful now, curled up in a ball in the puddlejumper chair. It didn't look like a particularly comfortable position, but he couldn't bring himself to wake her and suggest she move. 

Earlier she had looked worried, pained, but now her face had a strange look of calm, as if her worries had been settled.

He felt for her, there must have been a lot of pressure on her in the past few days. The loss of friends. Being stripped of her status as head of Atlantis, but not of her responsibilities.

"Is she asleep?"

Rodney nodded slightly. "She was crying before, silently, didn't know anyone was watching…but she's asleep now. She said something before, I think it was 'John'…"

"This hasn't been easy…" Carson replied. "For any of us."

"Especially for her," Rodney added, showing Carson that he understood his statement.

She moved and the two men fell silent, almost aware that she might not be quite as asleep as she seemed.

"I love you," she mumbled.

Rodney looked at Carson, shock written on his face. That was definitely not what he'd expected to hear from a sleeping Elizabeth's mouth. Carson didn't return the look of shock, instead his eyes remained focused on the Atlantis leader, a look that could only be described as sympathetic on his face.

"I had no idea…" Rodney said quietly.

"Sometimes the things people say in their sleep don't always relate to real life," Carson interjected.

"Usually 'I love you' is something you don't say, awake or asleep, unless you mean it," Rodney shot back.

"You think she's talking to him?" Carson asked.

The both continued watching her for a few moments. She stirred again, but this time she slowly opened her eyes. Finding the two men staring at her she immediately stood up, straightening herself into leader mode.

"I'm sorry, I must have dozed off," she replied, smiling slightly at them.

Carson smiled slightly back, but Rodney's face remained thoughtful. He hadn't realised how deeply her feelings for Sheppard ran. Everything made sense. Especially why she was so utterly and completely devastated at his loss. Not that Rodney wasn't, but there was something different about the way she had reacted.

Suddenly a confused, thoughtful look crossed Elizabeth

"Carson…have you got pen and paper?" she asked, creasing her forehead.

He fumbled around in his pocket for a few moments before producing a scrap piece of paper.

"I don't have a pen," he said.

Rodney presented Elizabeth with a pen, a cocky smile appearing on his face. "I on the other hand always carry one with me…"

She took it, without even a thank you.

"Always here to please," Rodney added.

Still she ignored him, scribbling quickly on the piece of paper. When she'd finished she folded the piece of paper and placed it in her jacket pocket.

"OK…maybe it's just me…but I'm extremely curious what you just wrote down," Rodney said.

"We need to contact the Athosians," Elizabeth said.

"Well for that…we would need the Stargate – and we don't exactly have access…" Rodney stopped as Elizabeth punched the radio.

"Colonel Caldwell what's your position?" she asked.

"Not going well, Doctor," he replied.

"We're heading back your way to help out," Elizabeth said.

"Negative, Doctor, it would be suicide," Caldwell said.

She chose not to reply, instead nodding to Carson to sit down and start the engine. He did so, no questions asked. Something inside her had snapped, she'd gone from one extreme of Elizabeth Weir to the other in a matter of seconds.

"Dr Weir, again I say, do not return to Atlantis," Caldwell said.

"Colonel, this is my city and I intend to protect it," she said as Carson lifted the jumper into the air.

There was a pause. "If you must…" he replied.

Rodney took his seat, still watching Elizabeth curiously. She had a look of determination on her face and for a moment he wondered what had made her change demeanours so suddenly…

* * *

Teyla felt the pain that jarred through her bodies as her knees hit the hard floor before her. The Wraith still had hold on the back of her neck. She attempted to shake it free but found it almost impossible. 

"You are the Athosian who connected to the Wraith…" it wasn't a question but a statement.

Teyla looked up at the Wraith who stood before her. It was smiling slightly, but not the kind of smile which gave her a warm feeling, it was more the smile of someone who knew they were in control of a situation, one that instilled coldness inside of her.

"And your friend is a warrior of Earth," the evil smile was now a full blown grin. "Well then he is the one we must use to retain the knowledge we need to use the Atlantis gate to get to Earth, to get to a feeding ground richer than any we have seen for millions of year…"

"Leave him alone," Teyla snapped.

The Wraith began to walk slowly around Teyla, circling her. She kept her eyes forward. Inside she was shaking, afraid. Here sheknelt, at the mercy of her most feared enemy, the one she'd been told horror stories about as long as she could remember. She could see the Wraith moving out of the corner of her eye, she flickered her eyes to it for a moment, watching as its foot landed on the ground and again as it lifted up again.

She moved her eyes back to the front. She couldn't let the Wraith see her fear.

"Now why would you care so much what happened to an Earth human?" the Wraith asked.

"They are my friends," she replied, at the same time feeling the Wraith tracing its long fingernail across her back.

She refrained from squirming, moving away from the Wraith. Instead she swallowed her fear again, hid the urge the run, to give up and break down into tears. She could not let it see her true emotions.

"I see…" the Wraith replied, stopping to her right.

It grabbed her left shoulder and jerk her up, turning her around to face it. She stared up into the Wraith's eyes, determined to prove she was not afraid.

"Or maybe it's more than that," the Wraith observed. "I wonder…if we were to bring him out here and torture him if you would be so composed."

She chose not to reply, but she knew that fear flickered across her face for a few moments before she could hide it again. The Wraith grinned.

"Yes, human emotion seems to be a powerful weapon against your kind, much better than merely forcing the knowledge from you, for that works only on the weak-minded," the Wraith said.

Teyla again chose not to reply. The Wraith tightened its grip on her shoulder, digging its fingernails in. She winced in pain. Above all that the feeling of the Wraith holding her shoulder was creating a coldness inside her deeper than anything she had ever felt in her life.

Suddenly she felt a jerk, and looking over the Wraith's shoulder to the window she noticed they had dropped out of hyperspace.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"I believe you call it Fergona…" the Wraith replied.

Teyla looked at the planet again. Fergona was the first planet thatevery Athosianchild was taught the symbols to. So they could avoid it. Never go there. The few who had dared had never returned.

It was the home planet of the Wraith…

* * *


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

Ford stood near the entrance to the cell. He felt so alone and useless. He hadn't been able to help Teyla and now she was with the Wraith, for all he knew she was being fed on. He walked towards the web-like cage and leaned against it, looking out into the hallway, willing Teyla to appear there.

The hallway remained still, empty.

He sighed and let go to the web, moving back to the wall and sitting down feeling helpless. For a moment he wished he was still on Earth, still with his grandparents. He remembered how he'd sit down every night and watch TV with his grandma. _JAG, CSI, Without a Trace, X-Files_ – anything really. He missed that.

He missed sitting down and watching the football on the weekend. Hell he even missed his housework. Anything was better than this.

He looked up as he heard noise. Two Wraith were escorting Teyla back towards their cell. Hejumped up and walked over to the web. It opened and the Wraith forced Teyla back inside before walking off again. He looked at her, noticing the left shoulder of her jacket had been ripped, blood was evident on the skin below.

"Are you OK?" he asked, looking at her eyes.

"I am fine," she replied, looking away for a moment, then returning her eyes to his. "We are at the Wraith home planet…"

"Home planet?" Ford asked. "You never told us they had a home planet."

"I do not know anymore of it, no one has been there and returned…" Teyla said, fear in her eyes.

"And we're there now?" Ford asked.

"We are above it," Teyla replied.

Ford closed his eyes. They were in big trouble…

* * *

Elizabeth sat silently in the seat behind McKay. Her mind drifted to the dream she'd had. It had been real, hadn't it? Shestared ahead at the expanse of ocean, her thoughts focusing on what he'd said.

"I'm going to do something, and I don't know what's going to happen to me…but its against the rules, just being here is against the rules, so the reaction of the others can't be good…"

What did that mean?

She remembered reading a report back at the SGC about Dr Daniel Jackson. He'd ascended and broken the rules, resulting in him being thrown by the Ancients back to the human plane of existence, naked and with no memory on a distant planet.

It had been sheer luck that SG-1 had found him.

What if that was what happened to John? What if he ended up alone with no memories on a distant planet?

At least he would be alive…

She felt slightly relieved at knowing he was alive to some end, and that they were on their way to rescue Ford and Teyla, there was just the small detail of regaining control of Atlantis and getting the address of the planet from the Athosians.

Atlantis came into site. The Daedalus hung in the air above it, fighters, obviously Earth-made, were fighting the Wraith darts.

"Carson, cloak," she said, suddenly realising they were uncloaked.

He did so and the got slowly closer to the city.

"We need to get into the control room and deactivate the self-destruct," she said, then she glanced quickly at her watch. "Within ten minutes…"

"Are you insane?" Rodney asked, turning around to look at her.

Yes, she thought to herself.

She opted to refrain from response to Rodney. He looked at her for a few moments, curiosity in his face. She herself became curious as to what he was thinking.

"What?" she asked after a few moments.

"You were talking to him, weren't you?" Rodney said.

Elizabeth froze. How the hell could he possibly know that? She'd refrained from telling them what was going on in her mind, what she'd written down and why she needed to contact the Athosians.

"What makes you think that?" she asked, sensing the uncertainty in her own voice.

He seemed to think about it from a moment. "Well you had to get that information from somewhere…"

She knew he was avoiding something. Her consideration of whether or not to continue it further was interrupted by Rodney making her decision for her.

"You might talk in your sleep," he admitted.

"And what did I say?" Elizabeth asked, a sudden knot tied in her stomach.

How much did Rodney know?

"You said his name and a couple of other things," he said, glancing at Carson.

"Rodney…what did I say?" she asked again, not quite sure she wanted to know.

Carson and Rodney exchanged another look.

With a sinking feeling she figured out what she'd said out loud. She shifted her eyes to look at the battle occurring before them. There were more important things at hand that what she'd said in her sleep, she could deal with that information later.

Rodney seemed to sense this in her and also turned back around to look at the battle. Carson slowed the jumper as to avoid any accidents. The battle was higher up than they were, therefore it was unlikely they would be hit by any stray blasts, but it was still a possibility.

"Watch out!" Rodney shouted, pointing directly upwards.

Both Elizabeth and Carson looked up to see a Wraith dart spiralling down towards them, a stream of smoke coming from the back.

"Move!" Elizabeth shouted just as Carson sped the jumper forward fast enough to avoid the spiralling dart.

They missed it by inches.

Elizabeth closed her eyes for a second, relieved. When she opened them Carson was slowly lowering the puddle jumper into the jumper bay. She looked up at the Wraith darts, not entirely sure they wouldn't be noticed.

Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder at the remaining nuclear bomb, wondering whether or not they should removed it.

She figured it was better left there, just in case they needed it later.

* * *

Dr Radek Zelenka sat on the floor of the gate room. He'd been grabbed by a Wraith halfway between the jumper bay and dragged to the gate room and sat down with the rest of the Atlantis crew who were still around.

He watched as the two Wraith guarding them paced around the small group. He was sure there were more people there, and he hoped that Dr Weir, Dr McKay and Dr Beckett were still out there, finding a way to help them.

There were Wraith everywhere in the control room, pulling apart all their equipment. Radek knew it would take hours for them to fix it all again. An unmasked Wraith made its way down the stairs towards the group and stopped in front of Radek.

"This one," he said, leaning forward and grabbing Radek, pulling him to his feet. "I need your help…"

Radek swallowed, he wasn't sure he could stand up to a Wraith if it asked him to do something. The Wraith pushed him towards the staircase, Radek tripped slightly but managed to regain his footing before making an idiot of himself.

He looked towards the Stargate, willing the SGC to send someone through to help them.

As he reached the top of the stairs he saw a Wraith standing, holding the device which would allow them to return to Earth.

"Is this what we require?" the Wraith hissed from behind.

Radek swallowed, trying to remain silent.

The Wraith behind him put his arm around him, turning him around and grabbing his throat.

"Is that the device we require to get to Earth?" the Wraith asked.

Radek opened his mouth to reply…

**

* * *

**


	9. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight

* * *

**

Rodney had insisted they went for weapons. Elizabeth figured he was right, considering what they were planning to do. She had no idea where the soldiers from the Daedalus were, but they didn't have time to locate them.

She felt uncomfortable in this room. Even a year at Atlantis had no made her feel anymore comfortable about the use of weapons. She turned around to find a handgun pointed at her chest.

"Oh my god, Rodney point that somewhere else," she said, moving away slightly.

"Take it," he said, turning it around and holding the handle out to her.

She stared at him. "Rodney I will not take that gun…"

"And what happens if we get separated and you run into a Wraith?" Rodney replied.

"There's not much one small little gun can do," Elizabeth replied sharply, pushing his hand away. "I am not taking a gun, Rodney."

He looked at her for a moment before lowering his hand. She looked to Rodney's right where Carson was standing, a P-90 held in his hands. It surprised her, her chief medical officer and her head scientist standing before her, one with a handgun and one with P-90. It was something she had never imagined when she had taken these people to Atlantis. They weren't brought to fight a war. Yet here they were.

Carson looked uneasy holding the P-90 and held it awkwardly, not used to it. Rodney however held the handgun naturally.

Turning around he grabbed another P-90 off the wall, placing the handgun back down on the table.

"Let's go," Rodney said, heading out of the room as though he'd been doing this his entire life.

Carson walked quickly after him. Elizabeth remained for a moment, staring at the handgun lying on the table before her. She couldn't take it, that would be against everything she'd ever stood for, the protests, the negotiations, everything.

But this was different. The Wraith weren't human, they were hungry animals, a plague wiping out an entire galaxy of people. Destroying civilisations, hunting people less powerful than their own, always searching for a larger food source, growing people before culling them, making them live in fear.

Then again maybe that made them human...

She reached forward, touching the cold metal with the tip of her finger.

"Elizabeth, hurry up," Rodney called.

She jumped and turned around. "Coming," she replied, jogging out of the room, leaving the gun behind.

* * *

Teyla watched as Ford walked slowly around their small confinement, as though he were searching for something. 

"What are you doing?" she asked, watching him curiously.

"Looking for something I can knock a Wraith out with," he replied.

"You will find nothing," she replied.

"I know," he said, turning to face her from across the room. "But I can't give in this easily."

"We have not given in yet, Aiden," she replied.

He looked at her dubiously, not quite believing what she said. She felt a queasy feeling inside of herself, the familiar coldness growing. She glanced at the hallway, it was still empty, but she knew they were approaching.

"They are coming," she said, quietly, standing up and walking over to where Ford was standing.

"This is our chance…" he said, looking towards the webbed entrance.

"No…we will take our chance once we are on the planet, they will be less wary then," Teyla replied, touching his arm lightly in an attempt to calm him.

Ford sighed and looked out towards the hallway, as though he could also sense the Wraith coming. She knew it was difficult for him, to stand by and let himself be pushed around, it was against everything he'd ever been taught.

"Yeah, OK," he muttered, looking back at her. "But the minute we're on that planet I'm trying to escape…"

Teyla nodded and looked out to the hallway. Four Wraith were headed in their direction.

* * *

Unfamiliar looking men flooded in from all directions. Radek was pushed aside by the Wraith, falling to the ground. 

The men were all donned in camouflage, leading Radek to believe they were the men from the Daedalus. That was slightly useful to him. But as they continued firing it seemed to dawn on them that their weapons would run out of ammunition faster than the Wraith would die. Radek slumped inwardly.

He watched as the first soldiers fell, hit by Wraith stunners, their comrades faltering as they did so. He could see they wanted to run, to hide from the Wraith, as though returning to childhood, to the nightmares they'd probably all experience at one time or another.

But they stood still, firing away.

"Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size!"

Radek looked behind him to see Rodney, Elizabeth and Carson standing there. Radek looked around and noticed that the Wraith had condensed themselves to the control room, minus the two that had been guarding the array of scientists and other personnel in the gate room.

The personnel who were now standing behind the others.

They had obviously freed them, of course he wouldn't have noticed the gunfire amongst that of the Daedalus soldiers.

He watched as the Wraith at the back of the group slowly turned around, facing their new enemy. As their smiles slowly spread over their faces Radek realised it was over. There was no way they could win against the creatures…

* * *

Elizabeth felt a complete idiot standing there, without a weapon in her hand. For the first time in her life she wished she had picked up the gun. But it was too late now, and she wasn't alone, the prisoners they'd freed that stood behind also had no weapons. 

In fact they were an entirely useless group and she started wondering what Rodney had been thinking when he called out to them.

"OK, bad idea," he muttered to himself as the Wraith started towards them.

She was relieved to see Zelenka still alive, she'd been worried for a moment when she'd seen him absent from the pool of prisoners they'd released. She jumped back as gunfire erupted from both sides of her, not used to the loud noise. The Wraith kept coming towards them. The two P-90's doing nothing to help.

Then she heard the noise she dreaded most.

Click, click, click…

The closest Wraith reached out and threw both Rodney and Carson to either side, before reaching forward and grabbing Weir by the collar.

"You are the leader," the Wraith said.

"No," she denied.

"We have observed you and you are clearly the leader of this facility," the Wraith said, sneering at her.

Elizabeth froze. They knew? How could they possibly know? That meant only one thing…they knew that she was the person to threaten if they wanted to get to Earth. She wouldn't let them get to Earth.

"Elizabeth!" Rodney shouted from the ground, struggling to stand up but being thrown back again by another Wraith.

The Wraith holding her grinned.

"Elizabeth hold on, just for a couple more minutes…"

"John…" she whispered.

"What was that?" the Wraith asked, jerking her closer and tracing its long fingernail down her face.

"I'm not going to help you," she said, confidently.

"If you will not, he will," the Wraith said, pointing at McKay. "All I must do is threaten your life and your friends will protect you."

"No, not for this…" she said, sending a silent message to everyone else in the control room. "They won't sacrifice our entire planet for me."

The smile faded slightly. "Tell me or I will feed upon everyone in this room one by one."

"I won't tell you," she said.

She had to protect Earth, she knew that, as much as she just wanted to tell him how to dial Earth, to curl up into a ball and cry - she couldn't. This was where she had to be a leader.

The Wraith glared at her before pulling its hand back. Elizabeth knew what was coming, she saw the hand drawing closer to her at every moment. She closed her eyes and tried to swallow her fear, waiting for the claws to dig into her chest and suck the life from her…

It never came.

Instead a large, bright light filled the room. She opened her eyes again to find the room void of the Wraith, their stunners lying on the ground.

"Oh my god, I'm OK," Rodney said, breaking the silence, before looking up at Elizabeth. "I mean you're OK, we're all OK…"

"He did it," she whispered, looking up at the sky.

"Who?" Rodney asked.

She looked at him and instant realisation sank into his face. He understood.

"Dr Weir to you read me?" the radio came to life.

"Loud and clear, Colonel," Elizabeth replied. "We're Ok, the Wraith are gone."

"Same up here," he said. "We're coming down."

"We'll see you soon," Elizabeth sighed.

As the radio fell silent again she looked around the room. There was a lot to be cleared up, but first they had to contact the Athosians. She still had to rescue Ford and Teyla…

_

* * *

_


	10. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine

* * *

**

The Wraith threw them into the small cell, Ford fell hard against the floor, Teyla landing next to him.

Ford stood up again instantly and ran back to the entrance, trying to get back through it before it closed over, he didn't quite make it.

"Damnit!" he exclaimed, then slowly turned around to face Teyla. "Welcome to cell number two…"

She smiled slightly as she sat up, although he hadn't intended the comment as a joke of any kind. He began walking slowly around the cell, this one much smaller than their previous.

"Aiden…" Teyla said.

He stopped in his tracks and looked at her. "You're ready to give up! We haven't even _tried_ to escape…"

"No has ever escaped…" she said.

He looked at her for a moment. She was afraid, more afraid than he had ever seen her. Although she didn't show it in her stance, her eyes gave her away. Above that the tone of her voice was shaky, quiet…fearful.

"Teyla…I know this is hard for you…" Ford said.

"They have taken generations of my people Aiden, I have been born only as food to serve them…how do you think I feel? Standing here in their most feared planet? To be used for experiments by they?" Teyla said.

"Which is exactly why we have to escape…" Ford said. "You have to get out of here…"

"So do you," she replied, softly.

He sighed and continued looking at the wall for an escape. He knew he had to get Teyla out of there, seeing her all afraid was scaring him. She was the leader of her people, she was strong and didn't give in, yet there she was before him, afraid and willing to just let them take over. He turned back around and faced her.

"What if they come for you? Wanting information?" he asked.

"I will not give it," she replied, some of her strength coming back. "I would die before giving them any sort of information…"

"Then we have to escape…" Ford said.

She looked at him for a moment and then nodded. "If it is possible…"

"Anything is possible," he replied, going back to searching the wall.

His mind was not entirely on it, he was worried about her, there was something more behind the reason that she was so afraid – she had been captured by the Wraith before but he was sure she had not acted like this…

Something silver caught his eye.

He bent down and looked at it. It was a small knife someone had left there. And along with it was the beginnings of carving into the wall.

"Here…" he said.

Teyla came over and knelt next to him.

"Someone left behind a present…" he said, smiling slightly at her.

She smiled back and he began chipping away at the carving already there…

* * *

Elizabeth fell onto her bed, surprised that she hadn't fallen into a complete heap earlier. Now that the imminent threat had past she could barely keep her eyes open. Rodney had contacted the alpha site and called them all home, they were coming through as they spoke. She had ordered Rodney and Carson to sleep as well but Carson had thrown it back at her with a medical order.

It hadn't been till that moment that she'd realised exactly how tired she had been.

She kicked her shows off using her feet, not wanting to sit up again to do so, and crawled under the blankets still clothed in her uniform. She didn't care at that moment.

But she found that she couldn't sleep…there was still so much nagging at her mind. Ford and Teyla were still missing, so many had been killed, were there still people out there they hadn't found? What had happened to John?

She knew it was him that had gotten rid of the Wraith on Atlantis.

_"Elizabeth hold on, just for a couple more minutes…"_

It had been his voice that had spoken to her…inside of her, before the Wraith had disappeared. She felt tears stinging at the back of her eyes again, she was so tired and it was easy to cry, but she didn't want to, she'd had enough crying, it wasn't like her.

For a moment she wished she were back on Earth, back with her dog and her house, even for a moment wished she were with Simon. There she didn't have problems like this, didn't have to worry about her people dying, about aliens attacking her home.

But thinking about it that wasn't her home anymore…this was her home. Here with the people of Atlantis. They'd become a community, and a great one at that. For the most part they got along, and even when they didn't they managed to live peacefully with each other.

She felt as though she had let them down, that she wasn't enough of a leader. So many were gone…

Her vision had gone blurry. She blinked away the water and continued staring at her door, hoping in some part of her that at any moment he would appear, would walk through the door and tell her it had all been a horrible, horrible dream. And then he would hold her and tell her everything was OK, that no one had died, that the Wraith weren't coming…

_"I want you to be safe __Elizabeth__…and I want you to be happy."_

She closed her eyes now, seeing the memory of him smiling at her. He'd always been there for her, from the beginning. Sure they'd had their disagreements, but she'd always known he was there if she'd needed him. She wished she could go back now, tell him how thankful she was for that, even if it were only as a friend…

She knew now that he meant a lot more to her than that. She wasn't even sure when that had happened, but it had, and when he'd run up that staircase so many hours before it had hit home to her. She relied on him, a lot more than she had even realised, a lot more than she should need to, but she did, and somehow that reliance, that friendship, had turned to so much more when she'd seen it walk out of her life…

She opened her eyes again, staring straight ahead at her door.

She'd lost Simon and now she'd lost John…at that moment it was too much, she needed someone to be there, to comfort her.

She realised she didn't even know that much about John. She knew he was someone who would do anything for those he served with, someone loyal and friendly, who stood up for what he believed in, he liked football and ferries wheels, but she didn't know anything about his past, why he had joined the military, if he even had family of any kind back on Earth…

She knew there was more to John Sheppard than she had ever known, and she also knew that chance to learn those things had been taken from her…

"Sleep Elizabeth," she said to herself, closing her eyes.

Clearing her mind she fell asleep almost instantly, but she dreamed of death and destruction, of people dying and of Earth being attacked by the Wraith…

She woke a few hours later and lay with her eyes open, staring at the ceiling, afraid to go back to sleep but just as afraid to stay awake…

* * *


	11. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten

* * *

**

She hadn't slept.

That was Rodney's first reaction as Elizabeth walked into the room and sat down at the briefing table. She wore heavy makeup, unusual for her, and there were dark rims under her eyes. She sat down at her usual spot at the table, holding only the small piece of paper she had scribbled on the day before.

"So why is it that you have called us here?" Halling asked.

Elizabeth looked at him for a moment before replying, as if having to think hard about what he'd just said. "I need to know the address for a planet called Fergona…"

Now it was Halling's turn to stare at Elizabeth, a completely blank expression on his face, one which slowly turned into an expression of fear.

"Do you intend to go there?" he asked.

Elizabeth nodded slowly.

"Then I cannot give you the address…" he replied, standing up.

Elizabeth stood up as well. "You have to…"

"I cannot," Halling said.

Rodney took his turned to stand up. "Why not?"

"All Athosians are forbidden from going there…it is the planet where the Wraith first came to be," Halling replied.

Rodney looked over at Elizabeth and saw his own look of complete and utter shock mirrored in her expression. Ford and Teyla were on a planet that was the home world of the Wraith…

Halling looked at them curiously. "You did not know?"

They both shook their heads slowly.

"Then for what reason do you wish to go there?" he asked, sounding curious.

"That is where Teyla and Lieutenant Ford have been taken…" Elizabeth replied quietly, avoiding looking directly at Halling.

Halling remained silent for a few moments. "How do you know this?"

"It doesn't matter…" Rodney said, knowing exactly where it came from and not wanting Elizabeth to think about it again.

But it was too late, he watched the flash of sorrow cross her face before she hid it behind her mask of professionalism.

"Then I am sorry for the loss of Lieutenant Ford and Teyla Emmagan," Halling said, nodding before turning to leave the room.

"Halling," Elizabeth said, her voice commanding.

He stopped and turned to face her.

"We need those co-ordinates," she said, firmly.

He sighed and walked to the table. Elizabeth pushed the pen and paper towards him and he scribbled on it, then pushed it back towards Elizabeth.

"There it is…" he said. "But I must warn you, no Athosian has ever returned from that planet…"

Elizabeth nodded. "Understood."

Halling nodded in response. "Good luck…"

"Thank you," she said.

He turned to face Rodney and repeated the sentiment, before exiting the room. Rodney turned to face Elizabeth.

"So who's going?" he asked.

She looked at him, the determination in her eyes showing him that she was going.

"Elizabeth…Atlantis can't lose you," he said.

"I made a promise, Rodney, and I'm going to keep it," she said, picking up the piece of paper and heading for the control room.

"Elizabeth, John wouldn't want you to go," Rodney said.

He watched her falter in her step, she slowly turned to face him. Her jaw was set tightly and he swore if looks could kill he'd be dead. But then again if looks could kill he would've died years earlier…probably at the hands of Samantha Carter…

"And I didn't want him to go…" she replied.

Now it was his turn to falter at her honesty. She didn't usually open up to anyone, especially not Rodney.

She looked away. "But we have a job to do, and my job is to save our people…so that's what I'm going to do."

"Then I'm coming with you," Rodney replied.

She smiled slightly looking up at him again. "John wouldn't have wanted you to…"

He smiled at her. "But we have a job to do…" he finished.

But his smile was forced. Her use of the word _'have__'_ told him that she'd given up hope, and he didn't want to believe she'd given up hope. Because that in turn gave him permission to give up his own hope, and he wasn't yet ready to believe Sheppard was dead.

* * *

Ford woke up to find Teyla still fast asleep, her head resting on his leg. She looked peaceful, more peaceful than she had for the last few days. He looked at her hand, she gripped the knife tightly in her fist, as though holding onto it for dear life. He didn't remember falling asleep, especially not with her so close to him.

He wanted to stand up and return to chipping the wall, they'd made a fair indent the night before, and all they had to do was weaken it slightly more before they could kick it out. Although that could still take days…

He knew he couldn't move, because that would disturb Teyla, and he wanted her to rest. They were going to need all the energy they could get to escape from the place. He watched her, thinking about his last year at Atlantis, how it had change him.

It had changed all of them, but he didn't know if it had changed him for the best. He'd always been the follower, the puppy dog that did everything he was told. But suddenly he found himself in a higher position of leadership, and he didn't like what it had done to him. He'd become a worse person because of it.

He'd seen himself slowly becoming the exact kind of person he'd always disliked. He thought of his grandma, what would she think of him if she saw him being the asshole he'd fallen into being on occasion, and more and more frequently?

Teyla moved slightly and he looked down at her. Sometime in the past few days he'd realised he cared about her a lot more than he'd thought he had. Sure he'd always thought she was _hot_, but that was completely different from actually having some kind of feelings towards her. He was sure he felt something more than just friendship towards her now.

She rolled over and opened her eyes, looking directly into his.

He half expected to see his feelings for her reflected in her eyes, a fantasy conjured up by his own wishful thinking, but instead he saw fear. Her sleep hadn't been as peaceful as he'd perceived it to be.

"You OK?" he asked.

"We must escape, Aiden, I cannot stay here…" she spoke so quietly he could barely hear her.

She sat up slowly and avoided looking at him, the grip around the knife tightening even more.

"They are near…" she said.

"Teyla, we're working on it…" he said.

"It's eating me from inside," she whispered.

He looked at her for a long moment, she appeared weak before him. He knew she never showed her weakness, but why was she showing it to him? Unless…

Unless she felt towards him as he did to her…

"Teyla," he said her name again.

She looked up, directly into his eyes, and he couldn't sworn her eyes were shimmering with the beginning of tears.

"Come here…" he said, reaching forward and placing his arms around her, she placed her arms around him and buried her face in his chest.

* * *

The cave was silent but for the drip of a small waterfall to the south-east and the rushing of the stream that fled away from it. The light reflected in from somewhere above, the same entrance the water poured down from.

Nothing stirred in the cave, not for thousands of years. The walls were lined with drawings of those who had never returned to view them again. Of wars between bugs and people, of battles long gone and since won.

Or lost…

Then in the corner was a movement, an unfamiliar movement, one of the likes the cave had not seen for thousands of years. The figure in the darkest corner moved slowly, standing up. He bore no outer garments and seemed completely confused.

John Sheppard had no idea who he was or what had happened to him…

**

* * *

**


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven

* * *

**

Teyla felt strange. She had never in her life hugged someone, even considered it. The word 'hug' did not even exist in the Athosian language. But somehow Ford's arms around her, even in the awkward position they were seated in, comforted her in a way that no forehead touch could.

She never wanted him to let go, didn't want to unbury her face from his chest and look back out to the world. There was so much hate, so much fighting, so much pain out there. But there in his arms it all seemed to meld away into the background.

At first when she had met their team, she had to admit she'd hadfeeling towards John. He'd been cute, and nice, and seemed so much more a human than the others. He'd intrigued her, and someone she'd developed some sort of crush on him. But over the year she had known him she'd come to realise he wasn't the almighty hero she'd perceived him to be. He had a darker side.

Over the last couple of months she'd started to develop something for Aiden. She wasn't even sure why, but she had. Not something that she'd felt the need to act upon, just…something. Since they'd been taken though, she'd been drawn a lot closer to him, the shared experience of being captured by the Wraith was leading her to believe that if she confessed her feelings for him they would be reciprocated.

"Teyla…" Ford said, his voice sounding on edge.

She felt him tense and pulled away from him as the familiar gut feeling returned to her. The Wraith were nearby. She turned to face the doorway, just in time to see a Wraith enter.

"You, come with me," he said, pointing to Ford.

Ford stood up and moved towards the Wraith. Teyla jumped up after him and grabbed his wrist. He turned to look at her.

"No…" she said quietly. "I do not want you to go…"

"I don't have a choice," he replied.

She knew he was right, but she also had a horrible feeling that when he left, it would be the last time she'd see him. A horrible gut wrenching feeling, she wanted to vomit, yet at the same time felt as though her insides had gone completely dry, that they no longer contained anything except her fear.

"Aiden…" she stopped, not even knowing what to say.

He suddenly leaned forward and kiss her on the lips. By the time it had registered in her brain what had happened the Wraith had grabbed him and jerked him away. As she watched him leave she felt a sinking feeling within her. If he had just done that then he knew as she did, that it was unlikely he'd be returning to her, at least in any way that she would recognise him as Aiden Ford.

She sunk to the floor, the will to escape suddenly evaporating in the cold air around her. She looked at the knife that lay in the shadows, hidden from the eyes of the Wraith. She felt hopeless, discouraged. She crawled slowly to the knife and picked it up with her hand. She stared at it for a long moment, instead of cutting her way through the wall she considered using it to attack an unsuspecting Wraith and then making a run for it.

But she knew it would do little damage to a Wraith.

She watched it, but her thoughts wouldn't concentrate on escape, instead all she could think of was Ford's arms around her, of his lips on hers, of never seeing him again. She felt the knife fall from her hand and clang on the ground. Tears rose within her, but she pushed them back as much as she could. Teyla Emmagan of the Athosians did not cry.

But she slowly found her vision becoming clouded. She wiped her eyes clear, she had to escape, because her escape was the only way in which she could hope to save him.

* * *

"You have to let us go," Elizabeth said.

"As ranking military officer here I forbid it," Caldwell replied, looking down at the pile of papers he had arrange on her desk.

"And as leader of the Atlantis expedition I believe I have a say in that opinion," Elizabeth said strongly.

She had been sitting in her office, which Caldwell had claimed as his own, for the past half hour, trying to convince him to let her and McKay and some military personnel go to the planet to rescue Ford and Teyla.

"You have no concrete evidence proving that they are even on that planet, Dr, I don't care who you are, as ranking military officer my judgement is that you shouldn't go," Caldwell repeated.

"You already said that, but thank you for reiterating it for me, Colonel," Elizabeth shot back.

He looked up at her, surprised at her sarcasm. Her glared was a cold one, and she knew it. She could see it in his eyes, the conflict. He could see that she wasn't going to let him win, no matter how hard he tried.

She was the woman that once, what seemed like eons earlier, had tried to bargain with the Goa'uld to 'become a system lord' as Daniel had put it. She wasn't going to let a measly marine Colonel get in her way.

"You find me proper evidence that they're on that planet and that we have a distinct advantage and maybe, just maybe I'll send a team through," Caldwell replied.

His words hit her like a rocket.

_"Let me guess…you're not going to let me rescue my people," John said, turning to face her._

_"Major, you don't even know if they're alive," she replied._

_"You don't leave people in the hands of the enemy, and the fact that we aree having this conversation in private lets me know that you know damn well that its wrong, and it will totally undermine your leadership. So as ranking military officer I…"_

_"OK just shut up and listen to me for a moment alright?" she paused, waiting for his reaction, after he remained silent she continued. "Come on, what do we know about the Wraith? One of the few things we do know is that they're the enemy that defeated the Ancients…when we first began to use the Stargate on Earth, we got ourselves into serious trouble…why?"_

_He almost rolled his eyes at her. "I don't need a history lesson…"_

_"Because the people in charge didn't consider the ramifications before they reacted!"_

_"They took our people, how am I supposed to react?" _

_"We're defenceless, you said so yourself! How do you know that going off on some half-assed rescue mission isn't going to bring them all right back here to our doorstep?" she said, getting aggravated._

_"Maybe it will…but it's the right thing to do, why? Because it is!" _

_She sighed inwardly, this wasn't working. "John…"_

_"If we're gonna do this, and I mean right now, why don't we just turn tail and pack up…because they're coming."_

_"You don't know that," she said, crossing her arms, but calming down slightly._

_"Our people are in the hands of the enemy, Doctor, do you know what that means?" he said, lowering his voice slightly as well. "It is just a matter of time before the Wraith figure out that this is the base of our operations."_

_"I just need more information," she said, while still convinced he was the one with the weaker argument she was wavering slightly. "I mean who knows, maybe we could negotiate a peaceful…"_

_"Peaceful? Are you kidding?" he'd raised his voice again. "We weren't there for a few hours when they showed up."_

_"Is it possible they came because of you?" _

_He nodded hesitantly._

_"And that one of these people you brought back here with you tipped them off?" she continued._

_"It's possible," he admitted._

_"See that's exactly the kind of snap decision I'm referring to!"_

_"They're not all bad people…and you know if we're gonna stick around here, we need friends."_

_She looked at him in a different way for the first time. Looked passed her bias against the military. John Sheppard wasn't a man out for kicks, for firing weapons and flying, he was out to save people. And while he loved flying, he did it to help people. He took things as they came, and saw them from a perspective that she wasn't used to seeing from a military officer._

_"OK, I see your point," she resigned. "Now you see mine…I will not authorise a rescue mission unless I'm sure there's at least a remote chance of success. I'm not sending more good people, including you, to their deaths…"_

_"OK," he replied, and headed towards the door. _

_She watched him leave before turning to face the ocean. She wasn't used to this, to listening to a military officer talk to her like that. It surprised her, his honesty, his need to save people, no matter the risk to himself. She guessed she'd never looked at that side of the military, the loyalty and the caring that they held for each other. Her few months at the SGC had taught her some things, but her few minutes on that balcony with John Sheppard had taught her even more…_

"Dr, are you listening to me?"

Drawn back to reality by Caldwell's voice she looked up at him. "Yes, of course."

She looked at him, she had one shot at this, and she wasn't going to let him win. She thought back to Major Carter at the SGC, her determination to find a way to save Colonel O'Neill who at the time had been frozen in Antarctica. That's the determination she had now, to uphold John's wish and to save Teyla and Ford, both of them integral parts of Atlantis.

"Look, Colonel, isn't it some part of your unwritten military code that you never leave a man behind?" she tried.

"They're not my people, Dr," Caldwell replied, surprising her with his coldness.

"Colonel you are sitting my chair, you are claiming yourself as taking over my position as leader of Atlantis…they are your people," Elizabeth said.

"Teyla, is not one of my people," Caldwell looked up at her, his eyes cold, colder than her had been moments before. "Lieutenant Ford is an unfortunate loss."

"You know what? Major Sheppard would have done it. He wouldn't have wasted valuable time arguing with me over this, he would have done it without my permission. Because he cares, Colonel, he cares about his people and he cares about Atlantis. I don't care what orders you have from Earth, this is not Earth, and I am the leader of this expedition. Now if you're not going to listen to me then I'll find you a new planet to be leader of. You can fight the Wraith from there as much as you like, and you can leave behind as many of your men as you please, but this is my city and those are my people and if you're not going to help me launch a rescue mission, I'll do it myself," she said.

"Dr, Major Sheppard's record is questionable. He pays not regard to the rules, and it's not always for the best," Caldwell replied.

"General O'Neill would have done the same," Elizabeth replied. "They're good men Colonel, and if all you want to be is a good military officer, then you're doing a good job. But I'd prefer it if you didn't do it at the expense of my friends."

She stood up and walked out of the office, heading towards the control room. To her surprise he followed her.

"Dr Weir!" he said.

She spun around to face him, stopping on the bridge between her office and the control room. It seemed as though they had the attention of the entire facility…

"Are you refusing to acknowledge my order?" Caldwell asked.

"I am not in the military, Colonel, I don't have the acknowledge anything you say," she replied.

"Are you aware that there was a report sent back to Earth, outlining all your failings since taking up leadership of Atlantis? It was an impressive list, Dr. But due to the good faith of everyone else in your abilities General O'Neill chose to dismiss it all," Caldwell said, loud enough so the rest of people could hear him clearly. "I'm beginning to wonder if that was such a wise decision…"

She faltered for a moment. Someone had sent a report back to Earth with a list of the bad things she'd done?

_Kavanaugh_

She clenched her jaw and moved closer to the Colonel. "I don't like you…and after I get my people back from the Wraith I'm going to dial Earth and have a little conversation with General O'Neill myself. Now if you'd excuse me, I have a rescue mission to accomplish."

"Don't think you're taking any military personnel on that mission," he said.

"Don't worry Colonel, I don't want the use of your military personnel," she shot back.

With that she turned and stormed through the control room, in search of Rodney and Carson. She felt the eyes of everyone watching her, but she didn't care. She was one angry woman and she was on a mission…


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

"It doesn't go there. I don't care what you think if you put that in the wrong way the ZPM is going to overload and explode, and we happen to need that for powering the shield, the Wraith aren't just going to magically disappear you know," Rodney stared at the Japanese scientist standing before him.

She nodded. "Oh, I am sorry. I will not do it again, I promise."

"Good," he said, turning around and grabbing his sandwich off the table. "Now I need that analysis done by midday."

He bit into his sandwich. After a few moments he noticed the taste wasn't exactly as it was supposed to be. He spat it out, making the Dr Kisunagi jump.

"Who got this for me?" he asked loudly, turning to face the other scientists.

"Me…" Kavanaugh spoke up, not looking happy about it either.

"Are you aware that there is citrus in this sandwich? Now I'm going to die, I hope that makes you a happy man Kavanaugh," Rodney muttered.

He threw the sandwich at him and stormed out of the lab. God if they were the best Earth had to offer he was surprised science existed at all. He heard someone running after him as he headed towards the infirmary.

"Dr McKay!"

He spun around. "I don't have time right now, in case you haven't noticed I'm highly allergic to citrus and I'm going to die a horrible death if I don't get to the infirmary!"

Kisunagi froze. "Oh, oh I am sorry, I was just wondering if you were alright?"

"I'll be fine if my incompetent team of scientists pull their act together," Rodney muttered. "Now if you'll excuse me I have some dying to do."

He turned around and kept walking towards the infirmary. He was looking down at his hands, waiting for them to come out in some kind of rash. He was stopped by two hands pressed against his shoulders.

"Rodney, I need your help," Elizabeth said.

"I think I just ate citrus," he muttered in response.

"You'll live," she replied. "Remember you ate that lemon chicken when we first got to Atlantis and you survived that didn't you?"

"Yes but that…"

"Good, well we have places to go and people to rescue," Elizabeth replied.

Rodney stared at her. "Don't you care that I'm dying?"

"You're not dying, Rodney – but Ford and Teyla will be if you don't come with me right this instant," she said.

"Citrus!" Rodney exclaimed.

She stared at him dubiously. "Alright, I have to fetch Beckett on the way, we can get him to check you out quickly before we leave."

"Good," Rodney said, heading towards the infirmary again, then he stopped. "Wait…what do you need Beckett for?"

"To fly the jumper," she stated.

"What about the milita…"

"Caldwell has forbidden me to use any of his _men_, so I have resorted to using my friends," she replied. "Now hurry up."

Rodney started to follow after her towards the infirmary again. All thoughts of dying from citrus had gone from his mind.

"Ah, Dr McKay…"

He stopped and spun around. "Yes?"

"Maybe I could be of service," Dr Kisunagi said, looking shy.

"No I don't…" he started to say but was cut off.

"Dr Kisunagi, your help would be greatly appreciated, thank you," Elizabeth said, slight relief on her face.

They needed more people.

"I am glad," Kisunagi replied, smiling.

Elizabeth nodded in appreciation and the three of them headed towards the infirmary to collect Carson…

* * *

Ford was pushed against the wall, hard, by the Wraith behind him. As he fell to the floor he was jerked up again by a different Wraith. This one looked vaguely like the Wraith queen they had encountered on the first Wraith hive ship. It had long red hair and was grinning at him. He felt something dripping on his forehead and reached up with his right hand. 

As he took it away and held it before his eyes he saw it was covered in red.

"Does that hurt little one?" the Wraith asked, grinning at him.

He didn't dignify the monster with a reply. Rather he looked him directly in the eye, trying to appear strong. The Wraith continued to grin at him, he wasn't quite sure if it expected a reply, or if it were trying to intimidate him.

"Are you not going to respond little one?" it asked, moving around him slightly, and then grabbing his collar it pulled him incredibly close to it's face. "Answer me little one, did that hurt?"

"No," Ford replied, still trying to appear strong.

The Wraith threw him at the wall again. Ford felt the sharp pain this time, and blood flowing more freely down the side of his face. His vision went strange for a moment, but he squeezed his eyes shut and when he reopened them it was back to normal.

He felt himself jerked to his feet again.

"Hurt, little one?" the Wraith asked.

"A bit," Ford responded.

"That's much better," the Wraith smiled, but it wasn't a smile that warmed Ford's insides, instead it froze them. "Time for step two…"

Ford was pushed away, but managed to remain standing on his two feet. The Wraith turned and slowly walked towards a table that lay before them. Ford looked at it, trying to figure out what it was for. It wasn't until the Wraith lay its hand on a small dial and pressed it that it came to him.

The table was electrified.

Ford looked around. All the Wraith had left the room except for the red-haired one.

"What do you want me for?" Ford asked.

"Well first we have decided that you will be useful to get information from, little one," the Wraith grinned. "And then we have decided you can also be useful in other manners…"

Ford gulped and looked at the table in front of him. This wasn't going to be pretty.

* * *

"What are you doing?" 

Teyla turned around, slipping the knife into her sleeve. "What's it to you?"

The Wraith standing at the door looked vaguely like the one John had nicknamed 'Steve'. It smiled slightly.

"Your friend is going to die," it said.

"Did you come here merely to torment me?" Teyla shot back.

It didn't acknowledge her with a reply. Teyla felt great dislike for the creature, more so than many of the other Wraith she had met. Not only was it an evil-life-sucking alien, but it was making an effort to upset her.

"Leave me," Teyla said.

"You speak to me with little respect, human," the Wraith said, entering her cell and walking towards her.

"And you eat my people," Teyla responded.

"We eat because we must…" the Wraith replied. "You think we all enjoy the consumption of your kind?"

Teyla drew herself up from the ground. What had the Wraith just said? She couldn't believe what she'd just heard come from the mouth of a Wraith. It had never occurred to her that they might not enjoy eating humans as much as she'd always assumed.

"What?" she said, out loud.

"You heard me," the Wraith muttered.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"I have been ordered to take you to your friend," the Wraith replied.

"For what reason?" Teyla replied.

"You are to be tortured, in the hope that your friend will relinquish the information we need to reach Earth," the Wraith said.

"He will not give it…" Teyla responded.

The Wraith looked at her for a long moment. "Human emotions are a strong weapon against you…this I remember. Now come with me."

He grabbed her shoulder, sending the usual gut wrenching feeling through her. But along with that came a realisation of what he'd just said.

"You remember?" she repeated.

The Wraith stopped, but did not turn to look at her.

"How?" she asked.

The Wraith spun around. "Did I give you permission to speak?"

"You were once human…" Teyla said slowly.

It didn't respond at all. Just stared at her blankly. Teyla felt her insides crawling, what she was beginning to realise was wrong on so many levels…

"And you still remember?"

"Shut up," the Wraith replied, tightening its grip on her shoulder. "You will not speak another word and come with me…"

With that Teyla was pushed out of the cell and into the hallway. She felt the knife jab into her arm, but ignored the pain. She was too distracted with the thoughts of the Wraith having human memories…

That meant that Carson had been correct in his hypothesis that the Wraith had developed from humans being integrated somehow with the bugs. She wondered if they all had these memories, or if it were only a select few.

* * *


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**A/N: **_OK this chapter has a bit of 'language' in it…so I'm sorry if there's anyone out there that gets offended by it, and also has a half-decent torture scene in it…_

**A/N2:** _All song lyrics have been removed from this fic...Sorry...sigh...its gonna shit me...stupid copywrite laws..._

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

Ford looked up as he heard the noise of another Wraith arriving. He froze when he saw who accompanied the Wraith. A sad smile came from her lips.

"No," Ford said. "Leave her alone!"

"Why is that little one?" the Wraith asked.

"Just use your little magic powers to get information from me like you did to Sumner…" Ford said. "Leave her out of this…"

"But you see only the Wraith Queen has that ability…and you killed her," the Wraith muttered in response. "We are not so powerful and would have to feed upon you to learn that information, and personally little one, I prefer to play with my food before I eat it…"

Ford glanced at Teyla again, noting the second Wraith was leading her towards the electric table. He moved towards the other Wraith, but the red-haired Wraith held him back.

"Let me go," he said. "Teyla…"

"Do not tell them anything, Aiden," she replied. "No matter what they do…"

He nodded slowly, but he was unsure of himself. He closed his eyes briefly, thinking back to his marine training. He had been trained to deal with exactly this kind of situation, brainwashed not to give away information.

He'd also been warned against developing feelings for anyone he worked with.

So much for that one…

He watched as the Wraith stopped Teyla in front of the table. He saw a slight calm come over her face for a second before she kick backwards. At the same time she spun around and began attacking the Wraith. Ford took the chance to grab the Wraith stunner he had noticed earlier off the table next to him and try to hit the red haired Wraith with it.

But the Wraith was prepared and grabbed the stunner, turning it around and facing it in the direction of the other Wraith and Teyla. It went off and hit Teyla square in the back of the head.

Ford again tried to run forward but was restrained by the Wraith.

"Let me go you fucking asshole," he screamed.

But there was no use.

He watched in horror as the Wraith picked up Teyla and placed her on the table, strapping her down so there was no way she could move.

"Please…don't," Ford said. "Let her go…"

Both Wraith ignored him again.

"She doesn't know anything, she's not from Earth, she's an Athosian!" Ford said.

"Silence, little one, we will not harm the Athosian until she is conscious…"

Ford shook his shoulder free of the Wraith's grip and sunk to the floor. He couldn't take this anymore. At least Teyla being unconscious was delaying the inevitable. Perhaps it would give the others a chance to reach them in time.

The others?

They weren't coming, who was he kidding? They were probably still battling the Wraith inside of Atlantis, if they were alive. He pushed back tears. What if they were all dead? What if him and Teyla were the only surviving members of the Atlantis team?

His mind drifted to the alpha site. The others were still there…at least he wasn't entirely alone in the galaxy. But of course they were a small minority, the people Ford cared about had still been on Atlantis when he'd been taken.

To his knowledge…

For all he knew they could be in the room next door undergoing the same thing.

He raised his eye level to look at the table Teyla was now strapped to again. The sense of hope he had gained after finding the knife had dissipated into thin air. It was all over now, all he could do was hope they died before suffering too much…

* * *

As Elizabeth stared at the dialling gate she thought back toseeing the gate back on Earth for the first time, remembering the amazement she'd felt. Somewhere along the story of her life it had become a daily occurrence, something she saw more often than she slept. Yet somehow she'd rarely travelled through it, confining herself to the, though at first vague, familiarity of Atlantis.

That was something she did a lot. Confining herself to the familiar. Although she craved new experience, she in herself was quite withdrawn. She had stayed with Simon so long, partially because she cared for him, but also partially because she was familiar with him. She had been hesitant to move to Colorado Springs, for she was used to her familiar surroundings in Washington D.C.

But finding out about something like the SGC could changesomeone's life forever. When she'd read those reports she'd become curious, therefore had accepted the job. She enjoyed a challenge, but accepting the job as head of a secret government facility had been something she would never have considered doing. But the Stargate had drawn her to it, and somehow she had found herself being caught in the web.

Only to find herself in another galaxy, being the leader of an expedition. Who would have known that's the direction her life would take her? She'd changed a lot in the last year, she'd begun letting go of the familiar, starting with her telling Simon to move on in the video.

She looked up again as the wormhole established. They were really doing this…Elizabeth Weir was leading a rescue mission to get back two friends captured by the enemy. Never in her life would she have thought of herself in that situation.

She remembered once respecting Major Carter for blackmailing her into letting her and Teal'c go after Colonel O'Neill. The side of the military that she'd never really taken into account before her time at the SGC. The attitude that you 'never leave a man behind'.

Although she had at the time suspected that with Major Carter it had been something much more than never leaving a man behind…

She knew how she felt now. At the time, while she'd respected her, she'd also felt resentment towards her for the blackmailing, but now she understood. If one of her people were trapped she would do anything to get them back.

Especially if it were John…

She wondered for a moment what had happened to him? Was he lying naked and alone on a cold planet with no memory of who he was? That had been what had happened to Daniel Jackson when he'd broken the rules. But what if the ascended beings in this galaxy weren't as kind as the ones in the Milky Way…

Or were they the same ancients?

"Clear to go, Dr," Caldwell's voice came through the radio, cutting through her thoughts.

"Thank you, Colonel," she replied, and then turned to Beckett who sat in the pilot chair. "Let's go."

He nodded and seconds later they entered the wormhole…

* * *

"It's awake…"

Teyla moved her eyes to see the Wraith leaning over her. There were two of them, one resembling the Wraith Queen and one resembling Steve. She still had no feeling in any part of her body. Lifting her head slightly she could see that she was strapped in.

"You can't set that thing off now, she doesn't even have feeling in most of her body yet!" she heard Aiden's voice float over from the other side of the room.

She tried to open her mouth and reply but found it impossible to make any noise.

"That would work to our advantage," the red-haired Wraith said, moving around the table to the end.

Teyla couldn't see what the Wraith was doing, but heard scraping noises as it seemed to be pulling something from underneath the table.

"No!" she heard Aiden said, and out of the corner of her eye she saw him jumping up and running towards the red-haired Wraith.

The Steve-like Wraith stopped him in his tracks. Teyla moved her head slightly to the left, meeting Aiden's eyes. What she saw in them froze her already frozen insides. The look of complete and utter raw fear.

As she rolled her head back to where it had been before she felt her own eyes widening with fear.

The Wraith had laid out approximately ten metal spikes at the end of the table and was playing with them, grinning at her. He then jerked one upwards and drove it into her leg. She stared at it, the blood that was suddenly oozing out. But she couldn't feel anything. She knew once feeling returned to her limbs it would hurt like hell, the pain slowly increasing as she became less numb…

She closed her eyes as the Wraith picked up the second spike. She could not watch anymore…

* * *

Ford couldn't pull his eyes away from the Wraith as he one by one drove the metal spikes into her legs. She would die from blood loss before the feeling even returned to her.

"Stop!" he said.

"Are you willing to tell us how we may get to Earth, little one?"

Ford glanced at Teyla, she moved her head sidewards and opened her eyes to look at him. Begging him to keep his mouth shut.

He breathed in deeply. He couldn't say anything because then every person on Earth would fall to the fate of those in the Pegasus galaxy, and he couldn't allow that to happen. No matter what they did to them…

"I did not think so," the Wraith said, grabbing another spike and jamming it through Teyla's hand.

Ford flinched and looked away. He didn't want to watch...yet for some sick reason his eyes kept getting drawn back to the scene that lay before him…

"Let her go…" he said.

"Not until you tell us what we need to know," the Wraith said.

He met Teyla's eyes again, and hoped he could read what he was trying to communicate to her.

_I'm sorry…

* * *

_


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**A/N: **_Sorry it's been a while, restarted school and my fan fic writing time disappeared down the drain somewhere…I'm doing this while trying to avoid Psych homework…_

_Also thanks to Nat for helping out with the last scene :-)!

* * *

_

**Chapter Fourteen**

The planet below them looked just like any other Elizabeth had read mission reports about. Trees, hills, lakes, rivers, rocks, sky…there was nothing at all unusual about it. In fact it looked like somewhere she would have enjoyed going to on vacation while back on Earth, not somewhere she would imagine herself having to go to rescue her friends.

"Oh yeah, we're all going to die," Rodney muttered as Carson landed the jumper in an open patch between the trees, he then froze as he noticed everyone staring at him. "Did I just say that out loud?"

"Well either that or we all just experienced telepathy," Carson replied.

"Well I'm sure you were all thinking it, I was just voicing the opinion," Rodney said.

"Gentlemen, we have a mission to complete," Elizabeth said.

"Right," Rodney said, grabbing his P-90 and leading the way out of the puddlejumper.

There was a man she would never be able to figure out. One minute he'd be whining about dying and the next leading a group of people to a rescue mission P-90 in his hands. Carson she could see the fear in as he walked out of the jumper, but Rodney's face was one of determination.

Dr Kisunagi was nervously fiddling with the handgun she was holding. Elizabeth knew exactly how she felt, she herself was still refusing to even carry a weapon, although the constant nagging that if she was separated from the others she would have no protection was starting to get to her. The temptation to pick up a gun was growing. But it stood against everything she had ever fought for…

But then again so did working with the military and what had she been doing for the past year?

"Ah, Dr Weir, do you not have a weapon?" Kisunagi looked at her questioningly.

"No, I…"

"Get out here…now!" they heard Rodney's voice.

Both of them ran out of the jumper to see what Rodney and Carson were staring at. Three Wraith darts flew over their heads, before breaking off in different directions and heading back around again.

The four of them broke into a run for the tree line without any more communication. Elizabeth looked back once and noted that the jumper hadn't been cloaked. She made a mental note to scold Carson over that one later before running behind a large tree and ducking there. Looking up she could see the canopy completely concealed her from the Wraith darts.

She looked back down to find herself alone.

"Damnit…" she muttered under her breath.

She listened for any sound of movement, but heard nothing. She pressed the button on her radio.

"Rodney, where are you?" she asked.

"I'll throw a stone and see if you can hear it," he said.

A few moments later she heard the 'clunk' of something hitting another tree. She began walking towards the tree the sound had come from…

…only to step onto nothing and fall down extremely fast…

**

* * *

**

"If you let her go I'll tell you what you need to know."

The second he'd said it he regretted it. If they let her go she would die instantly. She couldn't walk, and she would soon be unconscious again through lack of blood. She wasn't going to survive, not unless the others somehow magically made it there to save them…but who was he kidding? They didn't even know what planet they were on or if they were alive…

"How can we be sure?" the red-haired Wraith asked.

But if she stayed she would also die…

"You let her go and I'm yours, no fighting," he said, breathing in deeply.

Of course he had no plan to say anything to the Wraith, but he would do whatever it took to get Teyla out of there and to safety.

"On one condition…" he turned to face the red-haired Wraith. "You return her to Atlantis…"

"How can you be so sure that the Wraith have not entirely taken over your precious city?"

"I can't…but I can hope," Aiden sighed, looking over at Teyla again.

She was unconscious.

"Please…" he said, sounding too much like begging for his liking, but he had to save her.

This was all their fault that the Wraith had awakened early, that Teyla was even in this situation, and he had to take the torture for her.

"You will tell us what we wish to know?" the red-haired Wraith asked.

He nodded slightly, still watching Teyla. He was worried, her blood was spilt all over the table, the metal spikes still dug through her limbs, and if the Wraith even got it into their heads to electrify that table he didn't even want to think about it…

"I do not believe you…" the Wraith said. "But I will make a deal…you tell us what we wish to know and we will let her go back to your planet."

"At least get her off the god damn table and wrap up her wounds!" Aiden burst out.

The Wraith both stared at him blankly, or at least if they were feeling any kind of emotion or thought they weren't showing it in any way obvious to him.

"She's going to _die_!" Ford shouted at them. "Don't you understand that?"

"We do not care, little one," the red-haired Wraith replied.

But Ford's eyes had fallen on the Steve-like Wraith. He was looking at Teyla, and for a moment Ford even thought he recognised pity on the Wraith's face.

"I will take her back to her cell and wrap up her wounds, if you tell us what we wish to know we will return her to your planet," the Steve-like Wraith spoke up.

"You'll need to iris code to get through…" Ford replied.

"Then you will give it to us!" the red-haired Wraith spat out. "If we are to get to Earth it is one of the things we will require…"

Ford froze. They had found a flaw in his plan. They would keep Teyla until they had the information they needed, but then she would be nothing more than food to them…_if_ she was still alive.

"If you do not tell us what we need, we will kill her…" the red-haired Wraith replied. "But until we have decided such a time she will remain in her cell."

The Wraith nodded to Steve-like Wraith and he unstrapped Teyla from the table. He slowly pulled out the metal spikes. Ford watched him, attempting to keep his facial expression blank, but he felt himself flinch every time he pulled a spike out, letting the blood flow more freely. He wanted to run to her side and hold her, to tell her to wake up, that he was sorry they were killing her, that he just wanted everything to go back to the way it had been before the Wraith attack…

But he couldn't, it could only make matters worse.

If that were possible.

He watched Steve-like Wraith pick Teyla up and carry her out of the room. He didn't miss her jerk slightly at the Wraith's touch. He felt her pain, he felt a coldness around the Wraith, especially at their touch, but he knew what she felt around them was a hundred fold what he did.

Then he felt the touch of a Wraith on his own shoulder and felt another type of coldness rise inside him. The cold, hard knowledge that this would be his last hours alive, and they weren't going to be pretty…

* * *

"Are you OK?"

Elizabeth blinked her eyes a few time, her vision was blurred, not adjusted to the dark light of the underground cavern she had seemingly fallen into. She was aware of the fact she was lying on wet ground, and she was extremely uncomfortable, there was a distinct jarring pain coming from one of her knees, and a duller pain resonating from her back.

"Ow…" she said quietly, rolling onto her side and propping herself up.

That was when she froze.

_"Are you OK?"_ she repeated in her head.

The voice sounded eerily familiar; especially considering it belonged to a dead man…She looked to her right. Standing next to her was an entirely naked John Sheppard. He was standing at an awkward angle to her, attempting to hide his not-quite-so-private parts from her, but it was him.

A surge of emotions rose within her. Was it really him? He couldn't be there, could he? She half believed that he wasn't, that she'd fallen and hit her head – really hard – and now she was imagining him standing in front of her. But she wanted it so badly to be him, she wanted to stand up, to hold onto him and cry her eyes out, to tell him everything she'd been through, how she'd missed him…and she wanted him to do the same back.

But was he even real?

"Do you understand me?" he asked.

_What?_ She thought to herself.

But her mind wasn't focused enough to concentrate on replying to him, it was all mixed up, it hurt too much to think – in fact it hurt without the task of thinking. Ignoring the pain, she stood up slowly, rising to stand next to John.

"Of course…" she replied.

Then another thought hit her. While she was too shocked to even take any notice of it, he was entirely naked. She pulled off her jacket and handed it to him.

"Use this," she replied.

He reached to take it from her and lightly touched her hand at the same time. Her eyes went instantly to his, but he didn't seem to take much notice of it, focusing his attention on their hands rather than her eyes. Taking the jacket from her he tied it around his waist, hiding his manhood from her, making the entire situation slightly less awkward.

She watched continued watching his eyes. It was really him, he was really alive. The physical contact reassured her of that, unless she was still hallucinating from hitting her head…no, this was too real. This was reality.

"You're alive…" she said, quietly, more to herself than him.

He made eye contact now. "Do I know you?"

She froze inside. What?

And then she felt something that she swore could have been her insides breaking in half. He didn't remember her…he didn't remember anything…at the same time she wanted to run away and to hold him. She didn't want to believe he had no memory, yet she wanted to help him to remember.

"Oh my god…" she said, stepping away slightly in shock.

As she stepped back she felt her knee collapsing beneath her, the pain suddenly too much to bear. She reached out and grabbed his arm to stop herself from collapsing, leaning her weight onto him instead of her knee. Instantly the contact with him did something to her and she found herself with her arms around him, holding him. It wasn't until she felt a tear running down her cheek that she realised what she was doing.

She pulled back, only to find him place his arms around her as we ll. It was as though he had given her permission to break down. She leaned against him again, never wanting to let go, feeling so many emotions at once that she was amazed she could distinguish any of them. Her vision became blurred as tears formed in her eyes.

She felt his arms loosen around her and pulled back, wiping the tears form her eyes as she did so.

"What's wrong?" he asked, sounding completely confused.

"Nothing," she lied, hearing her voice as shaky, her weakness annoying herself, but there was nothing she could do about it.

She turned away, walked the couple of painful steps to the side of the stream that flowed through the cave and sat down there. She splashed the water over her face, trying to clear away the tears which were still fighting to come through, before resting her head in her hands. She could see him sit down next to her, watching her curiously. He didn't know who she was, yet he still looked at her in that caring way. She didn't know whether to be happy or depressed.

Did that mean he only looked at her in the way because he looked at everyone that way? Or did he remember some kind of feeling towards her? She didn't know; she wasn't sure she wanted to know…

"Elizabeth…"

The voice came so quietly she wasn't sure if she had imagined it. She looked at John, sitting next to her, staring at her intently.

"Excuse me?" she said, not quiet sure what to think.

"That's your name…isn't it?" he said.

Relief flooded over her. His memory wasn't entirely gone, it was still him inside. A small smile came to her face, so small she wasn't even sure if he could see it, but she could feel it, inside, she felt happier.

"Yes…" she whispered in reply.

"I remember you – I remember…" he stopped and looked away. "It doesn't matter…"

"John…" she said.

He looked back at her. "My name?"

She nodded in reply.

The silence of the cave was suddenly broken by a loud crackling from her radio.

"Elizabeth are you still there?"

John jumped slightly, obviously not sure what the radio was.

"I fell into some sort of cave…" Elizabeth replied. "But I'm OK, it wasn't a long drop…and I found something else…"

"I'm sure it's very important but if we don't get off this rock soon I'm afraid we're all going to die," Rodney said, cutting her off.

"John's here," she said.

There was silence from the radio for a few moments.

"How hard did you hit your head?" came the reply.

"It hurts slightly, but I can assure you I'm not imagining things," she replied.

"Well then we need to get you both out of that cave as fast as possible," Rodney said, still not sounding entirely sure of her claim. "Teyla and Ford still need rescuing…and any longer and so will we…"

"They're in the fortress place…" John said.

Elizabeth looked at him in surprise. "How do you know?"

"If you follow the stream through there it leads you up to the…place," he said.

"The Wraith ship?" she asked.

He shook his head slightly. "Not a ship…it's a building…I didn't leave the safety of the cave because I…wasn't wearing anything…but from what I overheard it's some kind of prison and torture facility…"

"Oh god…" Elizabeth muttered.

"Elizabeth?" Rodney's voice came through the radio again.

"New plan," she said. "You come down here…"

"Ok…" he replied. "I think I need an explanation…"

* * *


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**A/N: **_Extra long chapter cos it's taken me forever to update again…only reason I had the time today was cos I'm sick…which is always good for some things :D

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_

**Chapter Fifteen**

Ford didn't even notice as the Wraith switched off the electricity, the pain coursing through his body, causing him discomfort without the continual torture. He kept his eyes shut, unable to move due to the constraints, but also due to his pain.

"You lied," the Wraith's voice came through his piercing headache.

The fact that there were metal spikes jarred through his legs was not helping the situation. The Wraith had so far refrained from jabbing the spikes through his arms as it had done to Teyla. He was becoming increasingly close to the land of the unconscious, feeling himself weak, and with good reason.

He could hear the Wraith wandering around, although was paying little attention to it, it was hard for him to concentrate on anything. He managed to open his eyes slowly, the light of the room seeming brighter than he had remembered.

"Now little one…you are going to tell me what I need to know…" the Wraith said.

Ford looked at it out of the corner of his eyes, the small movement alone causing him pain through his head. The Wraith held in its hand something which resembled a jar of acid. He suddenly found himself resigning to the fact that he was going to die, and that it wasn't going to be an easy death.

He closed his eyes, willing himself to become unconscious as fast as possible, before the Wraith decided he would make a good meal. He could only think of one thing worse than this situation, and that was haven't the life sucked out of him, he could only imagine the pain, the coldness.

And then he felt the acid hitting his arms, eating away at his skin, and he got his first preview of what was still to come…

**

* * *

**

Rodney landed not quite so well on the floor of the cave. "Ow…who's idea was it that we had to come down here?"

"Mine."

He spun around to look at his friend. He didn't believe it…John Sheppard was alive and standing in front of him…dressed only in Elizabeth's jacket? Well that would look suspicious under any other circumstances…

"Hold on I have a spare pair of pants…" he muttered, throwing off his backpack and digging through it, until he presented a pair of pants to John.

He felt Elizabeth looking at him, and even without looking back at her he knew exactly what she was thinking. _Why on Earth would Rodney have a spare pair of pants?_ He felt like replying to her with a long-winded explanation about how he always brought spare pants, just in case of an emergency, but he refrained.

"Thanks…" John replied, taking the pants and putting them on.

Rodney watched as he untied the jacket, now with something much more comfortable to wear, and handed it back to Elizabeth. She shook her head and pushed his hand away.

"Keep it, you'll be cold," she replied.

Rodney frowned. There was some kind of emotion in her voice that he wasn't used to hearing there. The assertive, confident voice that Elizabeth usually spoke with wasn't there. Instead it was the kind of voice he'd only heard from his mother when she'd been worried about him. It struck him suddenly, the loneliness. He'd been alone his whole life, and the way it was going it seemed as though he would be alone his whole life. He was going to die having only heard that tone of voice come from his mother, no one else ever caring enough to use it while speaking to or about him…

"So will you…" he said, still holding the jacket out.

"John, just keep it," she said.

Rodney continued watching them, overcome by sadness, which conflicted with his happiness at seeing John alive. He coughed.

"So what exactly is this oh-wonderful-plan you've come up with?" Rodney interrupted.

They both turned to look at him. John pulled the jacket on, it was slightly too small for him, but it was better than nothing.

"If you follow the stream it'll take you up to the…" he looked at Elizabeth for confirmation.

"Wraith torture facility," Elizabeth finished for him.

"Oh…" Rodney replied. "Ah - Carson and Dr Kisunagi are heading back to the jumper, going to cloak it and wait for us there."

"Good," Elizabeth said.

Rodney paused for a moment, then bent down, lifting his pant leg slightly and pulling out a handgun, then held it out to Elizabeth. He knew she wasn't going to like it, but he didn't want to let her go in there with a bunch of Wraith, at the possibility of being separated from the others, without some kind of defence.

She stared at it for what seemed like ages. Rodney watched her expression, it was thoughtful, calm, but he knew she was afraid of it, just as he had been the first time John had handed him a P-90.

He was about to open his mouth and tell her to take it when she reached forward and did so without his command. She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply, and then opened them again, a new determination coming over her.

"Safety off, point and shoot?" she said.

Rodney nodded.

"Ok…," she said slowly.

"Do I get one?" John asked.

Rodney nodded, reaching into his backpack and pulling out another handgun. "Sorry I don't have any P-90's to spare…this is Carson's."

John reached forward and took the gun. "Who?"

"Uh…medical doctor, Scottish, kind of scared of everything," Rodney replied.

"Scottish?" John asked.

"It's a country…they have nice mountains and weird accents…"

He trailed off at the realisation that Elizabeth was glaring at him.

"OK, let's go," he said, "John, you lead the way."

**

* * *

**

Elizabeth was gripping the gun so tightly that she could feel her hand becoming cramped already. Sweat ran down the cold metal. She kept reminding herself that even if she had to use it, it would only be against the Wraith, the Wraith weren't human anyway. They were the monsters out of her childhood story books.

"Are you OK?"

She looked to see John had held back slightly and was now walking through the creek next to her. Rodney was behind them, the occasional curse came out of him as he hit a rock or felt something slither past him in the water. Strangely enough she hadn't felt anything.

"I will be once this is all over," she replied.

"That's good," he said.

But she wasn't so sure of her answer. They'd been through so much, they'd lost so many, how could she ever be 'OK'? At least he was there. It kept her going, yet at the same time it was preventing her from focusing entirely on rescuing Teyla and Ford, the insistent urge to burst into tears of relief was building up exponentially.

"God DAMNIT!" they heard a curse from behind. "Something just bit me! I'm a dead man…"

John looked backwards, a small smile reaching his lips. "Is he always like this?"

"Yeah, most of the time," Elizabeth replied, finding it in her to even bring a smile to her own face.

"Wow, and we've put up with him for…?"

"About a year…although I worked with him back on Earth for a lot longer…" Elizabeth said.

"Earth?" John looked at her curiously.

"Oh…that's the planet we come from," she replied. "We don't even come from this galaxy…we came here through a device called the Stargate to find the lost city of Atlantis, which we did successfully. We awoke the Wraith…"

"Those creatures that I've seen at the end of this tunnel?" he asked.

Elizabeth nodded. "And we've been stuck here for almost a year. A week or so ago a wormhole came through from Earth, just as we were about to evacuate Atlantis because of a Wraith attack…soldiers, come to help us fight them. They weren't much help: a lot of people died…you…"

She paused, not quite sure if he needed to know everything quite yet.

"I?" he said.

"You took a jumper…spaceship…and flew a bomb inside one of the Wraith hive ships…" she stopped in her tracks, overcome by the emotion of the last few days.

"It doesn't matter, you don't have to finish," he said, reaching out and taking her hand. "Tell me later…we have people to rescue."

She breathed in deeply, determined to stay collected. "Yes, right…we have to save Teyla and Ford."

She knew she had to stay together, if only for a few more hours, because if she lost Teyla and Ford as well she didn't know if she could deal with it. It would all be too much.

"Are we gonna stand here being sappy all day or can I get my wrinkled feet out of this water some time this century?" Rodney muttered as he walked past them.

Elizabeth began walking again, taking notice of the fact that John was yet to let go of her hand. In fact he was holding on to it as though he never wanted to let go, and she realised that he might not be as unafraid of situations like this as she had always imagined him to be.

Suddenly Rodney stopped in front of them and Elizabeth looked up at him.

"We're here…" he said quietly.

* * *

John gave Elizabeth hand one more squeeze, for luck, before letting go and walking past Rodney to the exit into the Wraith facility. Rodney was irritating, but still he held extremely vague memories of being friends with him, his feelings towards Elizabeth were much more prominent. But he didn't remember much there either, just vagueness, her name…only his feelings towards her, and even then he didn't know if she knew or if it were something he'd kept a secret.

He squatted down right at the exit, looking out for any Wraith. The hallway was empty.

"Sheppard…" Rodney's voice said.

_Sheppard_…the name sounded familiar. Was it his? Elizabeth had only referred to him by "John"…did that mean something? He didn't know. A pat on his arm told him that Rodney was referring to him.

John turned to look at him. He was holding out a small, square, thing which when he looked at it his first thought was 'Gameboy'.

"Take this," he said.

"What is it?" John asked, taking it and holding it in front of him.

"A life-sense detector…" Rodney said.

As John looked down at it the screen lit up, three glowing dots appeared on it. "Is that us?"

"Yes…now if you see any other dots on that screen, it means there's a Wraith in the area," Rodney said.

"Got it," John replied. "So are we ready to go in?"

He looked directly at Elizabeth as he said it. Something told him this was her decision, as though she was a leader? He wasn't sure, he just knew that he respected her judgement.

She nodded.

They climbed out of the hole and onto the floor of the facility hallway. Their legs were all dripping wet, and something was telling John that this was a bad thing, that the Wraith would be able to follow them. But there was nothing he could do about it.

"Which way?" Rodney asked.

"Well I don't know do I?" John replied.

"I didn't say you did, I was just asking a general question…" Rodney looked annoyed.

"Gentlemen…" Elizabeth said.

They both fell silent. Somehow the situation sparked a feeling of familiarity inside John. Him and Rodney making nasty comments to each other and Elizabeth stopping them with one word.

"Right," John said, turning and walking in that direction.

"What makes you so sure of that?" Rodney asked.

"Nothing makes me sure of it, Rodney, it's a random guess…look if you want you can go left, but I'm going right," John continued walking in his chosen direction.

"Fine," Rodney said, walking after him, and Elizabeth following closely.

**

* * *

**

Teyla became aware of someone wrapping bandages around her limbs. She opened her eyes slowly, her head hurt and she felt faint. To her right she was surprised to see the Steve-like Wraith.

"What…" she managed to get out.

The Wraith looked at her. "I am sorry this has happened to you. The other human made me promise to clean out your wounds and wrap them up…but I'm afraid that is all I can do. I can not help you escape for you can not walk by yourself."

"Why…" she was suddenly overcome by the urge to vomit, but she pushed it back down.

"As I said before I do not enjoy consumption of your kind, you are much like what we were…before…" the Wraith said.

She didn't reply, fighting the urge to fall unconscious again, dizziness overcoming her.

"Sergal," the Wraith said. "That was my name before all this…"

"Atlantis…" she said quietly.

The Wraith nodded. "I am from there, but not all of us are. Some are of your kind. They do not remember, their brain capacity is much smaller…but the few of us who are what you call 'Ancients' remember everything…we fight it, but sometimes the hunger is too much. Again I am sorry…"

He stood up.

"I have done what I can…"

He closed his eyes briefly and then walked out of the room, leaving Teyla lying alone on the floor of her cell…

She tried to stay awake, but she was so faint, everything was spinning, and there was the pain, so much that she almost couldn't feel it any longer.

"Teyla!" she heard a female voice exclaim.

_Dr Weir_, she thought. _An__ hallucination come to take me to the next life with her…_

"Open the door."

McKay now. They had all come.

The talking was followed by loud banging.

"John there's no point…Rodney, did you bring the C4?"

"Of course."

More noises.

Then silence.

Followed by an explosion.

She opened her eyes, looking towards the doorway. Three figures stood there. Dr Weir, Dr McKay…John Sheppard? Now she knew she was hallucinating. She felt a calm smile come across her face as Elizabeth ran to her side.

"Oh my God, Teyla…" Elizabeth said.

Her touch felt real. Teyla had never imagined death to be so life-like. Where was the bright light she'd been told of…?

"Dr…" she said weakly.

"She's conscious," Elizabeth shouted.

John came and knelt down next to Elizabeth.

"Major…" she said. "Alive?"

"It's a long story," Elizabeth said.

"Where's Lieutenant Ford?" McKay said.

She closed her eyes for a minute, trying to gather strength. "Down the hall, right then left…help him…going to die…"

A sudden shot of pain came up through her left arm and she cried out in pain. Elizabeth and John both moved back slightly, afraid they had touched something to hurt her, which neither of them had.

"Oh my god…" Elizabeth said again, quietly this time. "Rodney get her out of here…"

"Me?" he said.

"No, the other Rodney," she replied, sounding irritated with him.

Then Teyla fell unconscious again, unable to stay awake any longer.

**

* * *

**


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**A/N: **_Lol, sorry bout the Scottish accent thing last chapter...think it was Hazeydream who brought it up:P Sounded to me like something Rodney would say...

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**Chapter Sixteen**

Elizabeth felt weak and shaky. The picture of Teyla injured and dying alone on the floor of a Wraith cell imprinted on her mind. Suddenly she felt no worry about killing any Wraith using a gun, she felt only hatred towards them, pure, unadulterated hatred. Something she had never felt towards anyone in her life.

She shocked herself at the sudden urge to shoot them all.

She felt a light touch on her shoulder.

"Elizabeth…there are Wraith coming," he said, nodding to a small corridor on their left. "In there…"

They ducked inside the corridor and squatted down just inside the entrance. Elizabeth hoped that they were planning on walking forward and not taking a detour in their direction. She closed her eyes as she heard the footsteps coming closer, tightening her grip on her weapon. She was holding her breath for such a long time that she almost felt as though her lungs were going to explode.

She opened her eyes and watched as the two figures moved past, unaware of their presence. She felt John closed to her, knowing he was squatting as close as he could to comfort her, to let her know he was there for her. They both stood up slowly as the Wraith passed, watching the life-sense detector until the two extra dots had disappeared.

"You OK?" John asked again, frowning at her.

"No," she said, truthfully this time. "I'm not OK…but we have a job to do, and until it's done I have to remain strong."

He nodded. "As long as your sure you can do this…"

"I can," she said, trying to reassured herself more than anyone.

He nodded and took one more look at the life sense detector before returning to the hallway and continuing in the direction Teyla had instructed them to. Elizabeth followed him, even though they had the life-sense detector she had the nagging feeling that at any moment a Wraith was going to appear out of nowhere and suck the life out of both of them. She felt as though she was physically walking through her own nightmare, and when she thought about it she was.

John stopped in front of her and she almost walked right into him.

"What is it?" she asked.

He nodded forward. She looked ahead to see the entrance to a room, and through the door she could see a red-haired Wraith standing over a body, which, by the jacket sleeve, she identified as Ford.

"Is that him?" John asked, quietly.

She nodded slightly. The Wraith moved and she got a better view of him. She closed her eyes and looked away, his face was contorted on the side facing them, the skin crinkled and looked like it belonged to a hundred year old man. He had spikes jammed through his legs and he was obviously unconscious.

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes again, and without thinking walked past John into the room, aiming the gun she held in her hands directly at the Wraith's back. She stood there for a few moments, pausing in her knowledge of what she was about to do, before tightening her finger on the trigger and squeezing it.

The first shot fired, alerting the Wraith to her presence, and then as it turned around the next, and the next, and the next…until she heard a click. She froze, unaware of what to do next. Why wasn't the Wraith dying? It wasn't even slightly injured yet.

The sudden realisation that the Wraith was reaching towards her jerked her into action, she moved away, suddenly realising John was now firing at the Wraith. She saw a stunner lying on the table and reached for it. She remembered reading in John's first mission report, after they had gone to save Sumner, unsuccessfully, that they had killed the Wraith by stabbing it with a Wraith stunner.

So she did just that, closing her eyes as she did so, not wanting to see herself killing another creature, even if it was a Wraith. As she jerk the stunner upwards, making sure it hurt and did as much damage as possible, she opened her eyes, watching as the Wraith weakened, falling to the ground.

And she felt nothing but hatred towards the creature, not even the smallest bit of remorse was inside of her, she didn't care.

That scared her more than anything…

She was still staring at the Wraith, in shock about her own lack of emotions, when John's voice came through.

"Elizabeth, help me get him off the table…"

She looked up at him blankly, and then down at Ford. He didn't look very alive, but his chest was still barely rising up and down. She walked to the side of the table and undid the straps that held down his arms and legs, then stared at the spikes that were sticking out of his legs. She reached forward and pulled one out, the blood rushing out after it.

"Crap," she said, looking at John.

"Don't look at me, I don't even know who I am let alone how to help him," John said, sounding worried.

"Teyla…someone wrapped up Teyla's wounds with something that looked like a bandage," Elizabeth said. "Maybe pressure will help…"

She began looking around the room for something, anything, that resembled a bandage. She heard a ripping noise and turned back around. John was tearing her jacket into shreds. He handed her one and she quickly wrapped it around Ford's leg, as tight as she could, hoping it would help stop the blood flow.

She reached for his neck – feeling for a pulse, and for the first time looking properly at his face. She wasn't sure what had happened to it, but it looked almost as though the Wraith had fed only on one part of his skin. Was that even possible? She couldn't be sure.

His pulse was slow and weak.

"We have to get him out of here, now," she said, looking at John.

"I know," he said, lifting Ford up, a pain expression in his face as he did so, and, with Elizabeth's help, resting him across his shoulders.

The two of them made their way silently out of the room, Elizabeth glancing one last time at the creature she had just murdered. Again she felt no emotion except confusion as to why she had none. Was this how soldiers felt at war? Did they have such hatred for other human beings that they felt nothing when they killed them? Or was she just a cold-hearted killer who had no emotions?

She glanced at Ford and felt the hatred towards the Wraith rise up inside her again. How could they have done this to her friends? What had they needed to badly that they felt the need to torture them to near death and not even feed on them? Not that she would want them to be fed upon, she was sure that was worse than torture, but it made no sense to her. She knew they could play mind tricks, so why the physical torture?

She would never understand the creatures.

**

* * *

**

"I don't like being offworld," Carson muttered.

"This is my first time, it is very exciting," Kisunagi replied.

"Yes well, compared to working with Rodney in a lab all day, this must seem like a walk in the park," Carson replied.

She looked at him, her eyes wide. "Oh but I enjoy working for Dr McKay. He is a very smart man."

"So he likes to tell us," Carson smiled slightly, wondering where the scientist had gotten to.

The two of them were sitting in the puddle jumper. When they had reached the clearing again there had been two Wraith wandering around, but they had soon disappeared. The two of them had run quickly inside the jumper and Carson had made sure the cloaking device was activated this time.

"I admire him greatly," Kisunagi continued.

Carson looked at her in surprise. "You're being serious?"

"Of course," she said, smiling still.

"Each to his…or her…own, I suppose," Carson said.

"You do not like Dr McKay?" she asked.

"Oh I wouldn't say that…but I wouldn't want to work with him," Carson smiled.

"Wouldn't want to work with who?"

They both spun around in shock to see Rodney standing there, Teyla in his arms. He lay her down on the floor of the puddlejumper. Carson jumped up and made his way to the back of the jumper

"Carson…" he said, out of breath, and pointed to Teyla. "I think she needs medical attention."

"That's a bloody understatement," he said, kneeling down next to her, and after a few seconds he looked up. "We need to get her back to Atlantis, fast…where are the others?"

"Getting Lieutenant Ford…" Rodney replied, sitting down.

Carson looked at Rodney. "How did you get out?"

"There was an exit…there seems to be a lack of Wraith in the facility itself. Figured they were out here looking for us, not in there…"

"So when they realise that Major Sheppard and Dr Weir are inside its highly likely there will be more guards?" Carson said.

"Oh…" Rodney said.

**

* * *

**

"Damnit," John said quietly.

Elizabeth looked at the entrance they had located. There were three Wraith guards standing there.

"We ran out of those bullet things…" John said, shifting the weight of Ford across his shoulders.

"I knew I should have taken the stunner…" Elizabeth replied.

"It was stuck inside a Wraith…I don't blame you for leaving it behind," John said.

From outside came a sudden loud burst of gunfire, and a loud shout. The three Wraith guards disappeared from the doorway.

John grinned. "Rodney…I guess there is something to like about him after all."

Elizabeth smiled slightly. They two of them ran towards the entrance, not at a very fast pace, John with the added weight of Ford and Elizabeth's knee still hurting. But they knew this would be their only chance to get of the place.

"Do you know where to go?" John asked.

Elizabeth nodded slowly. "I remember seeing this place from the air as we came in, didn't recognise it as a building at the time though…"

She jogged off in the general direction of the jumper. It took them about five minutes to locate the jumper. As they ran into the clearing, so did four or five Wraith, stunners at the ready and firing.

"Where are we going?" John asked.

Just at that moment the puddle jumper uncloaked.

"In there," Elizabeth said, nodding to the back.

The two of them sprinted, trying their hardest to avoid the Wraith stunners. Elizabeth felt her knee giving way beneath her, but kept running towards the jumper. The last thing she remembered was the feeling of numbness, joined by a bright light…

**

* * *

**

"Elizabeth!" John shouted, seeing her fall to the ground, hit by a Wraith stunner.

He ran the last few meters to the puddlejumper and laid Ford down carefully just inside, before turning around and running back out. He barely remembered these people, but he had to save her, something told him that life wouldn't be the same without her once he started remembering things.

He reached her safely and lifted her up, running as fast as he could on his tired, exhausted legs and landed inside the jumper.

"GO!" he shouted.

The ship lifted up off the ground at the same time as the doors closed.

"Major you come and fly this thing and I'll attend to the patients!" the guy out the front shouted.

_Major?_ He thought to himself, but he figured that was referring to him. It sounded vaguely familiar. He looked at Elizabeth for a second, and then, stepping over Ford and Teyla, made his way to the front of the spacecraft.

"How does it work?" he asked.

The other man frown at him. "Just think…it'll do what you want it to…"

"O…K…" John said, sitting down at the pilots seat and reaching out to the control panel.

Suddenly he understood. The spaceship did exactly as he told it to do.

"Where am I going?" he asked.

"The Stargate," Rodney replied, sitting down next to him.

"Where that?" John asked.

Rodney pointed straight ahead. "You see that large, grey circle thing?"

"Yeah…"

"That's it…" Rodney said.

John steered the ship towards the thing that Rodney had pointed at. He watched as Rodney started pressing buttons.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Dialling the gate…" Rodney replied.

John shrugged it off and concentrated on flying the ship directly towards the gate. "What do I do when I get there?"

"Just fly through…" Rodney replied.

Suddenly a blue puddle appeared in the middle of the circle. John looked at it in confusion, and then turned his confused expression back to Rodney who was now punching in numbers onto another device, attached to his wrist.

"OK now you can fly through…" Rodney said.

"Why couldn't I before?" John asked.

"Just fly, I'll explain it later!"

The jumper disappeared through the wormhole and moments later John found himself in a small room. He closed his eyes and concentrated hard and the ship stopped less than a foot from the nearest wall.

He knew exactly where the jumper was supposed to go. Up. Into the jumper bay…As he lifted the ship into the area where it was supposed to be he heard the vague calling of _"Medical team to the jumper bay"_.

They were home.

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	18. Chapter Seventeen

**A/N: **_OK to me "medicine is about as much of a science as say…oh…voodoo?" so any medical stuff in here is completely based on what's seen on TV…excuse any mistakes…_

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**Chapter Seventeen**

The infirmary had been chaotic for the first few hours. The introduction of three new medical doctors that had arrived on the Daedalus had helped the situation immensely, but they still had one critically unstable patient.

John Sheppard's memory was slowly returning, continual flashes of his past life coming to him every now and then, vague memories starting to permanently plant themselves in his brain. He remembered liking Aiden Ford, a lot, and now he was lying on the operating table for the eighth hour in a row.

"Hi…"

He looked away from the operating room to see Elizabeth standing next to him. The room wasn't a proper operating room, but it had been made into a make shift one. No one was allowed in, minus the doctors, but John had refused to leave the outside of the room, and was watching through a glass window which he was sure the doctors wished wasn't there.

"You feeling any better?" he asked.

"I'm not numb anymore, if that's what you mean," she replied, keeping her eyes focused on the room in front of them. "Although there's still a strange tingling feeling in one of my legs, but apparently that's because of my injured knee."

"Bad?" he asked.

"It's almost twice the size it's supposed to be, Carson wrapped it up for me and left me with some painkillers before running off to help with the Lieutenant's operation again…" she said, crossing her arms.

John noted how she stood in the same position as him, and wondered if it were subconscious or habit.

"How long you been awake?" he asked.

"About four hours, couldn't move until about an hour ago though."

He noticed she was avoiding looking directly at him, avoiding emotional conversation. Things were coming back to him now, he remember the look on her face when he'd run off to fly the bomb into the Wraith ship, and he wanted to hold her in his arms and apologise, but he knew that wasn't how they were, they didn't show their emotions towards each other, especially not in public.

"How's Teyla?" he asked.

"Alive and stable, but she's asleep," Elizabeth replied. "I take it the Lieutenant's not as lucky?"

John shook his head. "It's not looking good…"

Elizabeth remained quiet, watching the procedure. They stood there for a long time, enjoying the comfort that the other was there with them, and worrying for the safety of their friend. After about half an hour the doctors dispersed, and leaving Ford hooked up to an IV and an EEG machine. A doctor they didn't know came out into the room they were still standing in silently.

"Dr Weir?" he said, cautiously.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"He's alive but unconscious, we're afraid he might slip into a coma but there's nothing else we can do for him here," the doctor said. "We've managed to save both his legs from amputation…but he won't be able to walk for a while…if he wakes up."

Elizabeth nodded. The doctor turned and left, leaving them alone again.

"Damnit," Elizabeth cursed.

"He's not dead, Elizabeth…" John said, quietly.

"He's not far off it," Elizabeth responded. "How could I let this happen? We should have evacuated when we had the chance!"

"Elizabeth, you saved the city…that's why came here, to explore Atlantis, and because we stayed that opportunity is still here…"

"I don't care about a city, John, we've lost more lives than I can comprehend, and we're about to lose another because we couldn't get there fast enough," she breathed in deeply, attempting to calm herself. "I'm sorry…"

He looked at her. Her eyes were watery, but she was still refraining from crying. She looked thinner than he remembered, and he wondered when the last time she had eaten was. She obviously hadn't had proper sleep in days and was so tired that she hadn't even bothered trying to hide it with makeup like she usually did.

"Get some sleep," he said.

"I have to stay here," she said, determinedly.

"Elizabeth…"

"I've been unconscious for five hours," she replied, still avoiding his gaze.

"That's not sleeping…" he said.

"I just…need to stay here," she said.

"Look, if either of them wake up you'll be the first person contacted, you know that…"

"But what if they don't, John?" she asked, looking at him for the first time, fear present in her eyes. "What if I go to sleep and he slips into a coma and dies?"

"There's nothing you can do to help…" he said, quietly, reaching out and touching her shoulder.

"What about you?" she asked. "When was the last time you slept?"

"I don't remember…" he said, smiling slightly at her.

She didn't seem to get his joke, and he understood it probably wasn't the time to be making any. She looked back in at Ford, her forehead creasing with worry again.

"Elizabeth, not everything that happens in this city is your responsibility," he said.

"Yes, it is…" she replied. "I took these people here, I led them here and they died because of it…"

"He's not dead yet, Elizabeth," John said, raising his voice. "And you didn't make them come, they came because that's what they wanted to do! Would you blame General O'Neill for your death if you died?"

"No…" she said, quietly.

"And no one blames you for anyone else's…"

She stood quietly for a moment, before turning to look at him.

"I didn't feel anything…" she said, her voice cracking slightly.

He looked confused. What was she talking about?

"What?" he asked.

"When I killed the Wraith, I didn't…" she looked away for a moment, then looked him directly in the eye. "I only felt hatred…I didn't care that I'd used a gun, that I'd shot a living creature multiple times and then killed it using the sharp end of a Wraith stunner! And I felt nothing but hate! I'm a monst…"

"No you're not…" John said, quietly. "Elizabeth don't ever think of yourself as a monster. What you did was kill something who has tortured and almost killed two of your friends, and would have done to every person in this city to get what it wanted. You did nothing wrong!"

"But I didn't feel anything…" she repeated, so softly it was almost a whisper.

"I know, Elizabeth, I've been there. I've killed and felt nothing, but you have to forget it, you have tell yourself that they would have done the same or worse to you given the opportunity, that you saved yourself by killing them…" he paused for a moment. "Trust me, I've killed when I knew I shouldn't have, when I knew that it was the other person who had the disadvantage, and I've felt that, it's haunted me for months, years…some of them are even still with me now. I think of the day I shot Sumner every night, wondering if I'd done something differently if I could have been there in time…I have nightmares about it, constantly. But I can't let it get to me, not during the day, not when I have other things to concentrate on, you just have to push it aside, I'm not saying it won't haunt you, but you have to be able to push away those emotions when it's necessary…"

"I don't know if I can…" she said.

"You can, Elizabeth, you're strong, one of the strongest people I know," John reached forward and pulled her into a hug.

She wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly. Although she had hugged him in the cave it had meant little to him then, he barely remembered her at the time, but now it meant so much to him, to hold her in his arms and have her holding onto him for dear life.

"You need sleep," he said.

She pulled back, avoiding looking at him and wiping her eyes, not that they were particularly teary. She nodded, still avoiding his gaze and turned to walk towards her room. John followed, determined to make sure she made it to her room, rather than faking out on him and heading back towards the infirmary again.

"Why are you following me?" she asked.

"I'm making sure you're actually going to sleep," he said.

She raised an eyebrow at him, "I don't need you to tuck me in, Major."

He faltered for a moment, confused by her use of rank. He still wasn't entirely sure of his memories, of what was normal and what wasn't. This was one of those moments when he wasn't sure how to react. They continued walking till they reached her room.

She stopped at her door for a moment, and then opened it, walking in and sitting down on her bed, removing her shoes. John stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching her silently. He remembered something, something that had come to him while he'd been watching Ford, a flash, something he thought he remembered from being ascended.

_"I love you…"_

He remembered her saying those words, him hearing them as he left her, and it breaking his heart that he was leaving her all alone. He felt he needed to say something to her, to show her he'd heard…

"John I'll be fine," she said, finally.

"I know," he replied. "I just…"

She looked up, her green eyes piercing into his, questioning why he was still there. He didn't know what to say so instead he walked over to her and sat down on the bed, hearing the door close behind him. They sat in silence for a very long time, so much between them was unspoken, yet neither of them could find the words to say any of it.

"I'm glad you're OK," she said eventually.

He looked at her, her eyes were focused on the ground, some spot there seeming to have all her attention, but he knew her mind was focused on the events of the past few days.

"Me too," he said, still looking at her.

"I couldn't lead this city without you," she continued. "It wouldn't be the same…"

"It's Caldwell's job now…" John said tentatively, not sure how she would react.

"No, its Caldwell's job to be military commander, not lead this city…we were here from the beginning, people will still turn to us, and when we have no one else to turn, we can turn to each other…" she broke off.

"Can we?" John burst out, it all becoming too much for him. "God, Elizabeth, sometimes I feel as though you don't share anything with me. I don't know anything about you!"

"I could say the same back to you," she said, turning to look at him. "But we know each other better than I've ever known anyone…we might not know about each other's pasts, our favourite ice-cream flavour, our favourite animals, our favourite vacation spots…but none of that matters here…"

He took in what she was saying, and he instantly understood. She was right. They knew each other at a level that he had never known anyone. She had been the first person he remembered clearly, knew things about, remembered the name of; it was as if she was the thing that he most closely related with the life he was leading.

"Do you remember anything, from when you were ascended?" she asked.

He looked at her for a moment, wondering if the question was as simple as it sounded, or whether she was asking something much more. Something which he could answer, but wasn't sure if he had the courage.

"Not much," he said, truthfully, now it was his turn to look away.

"But you do remember some things?" she asked.

"I remember something," he corrected.

"You told me how to find Ford and Teyla…" she told him.

"I know," he replied, looking at her.

Her question was answered, she nodded slightly. Without speaking he stood up, remained there for a moment as she crawled underneath her sheets, still clothed in her uniform, and lay down.

"Goodnight Elizabeth," he said, turning her lamp off, and at the same time leaning down and kissing her on the forehead.

"John…" she said, grabbing his wrist.

He could hear it in her voice, the words that Elizabeth Weir would never speak. _I'm afraid to be alone, please don't leave me._ Words he himself wanted to speak, but would also never allow himself to. He stood there for a moment, her hand clamped around his wrist like a handcuff, he knew he was unable to move away at that moment, but even given the choice he wasn't sure he would want to.

But was it wise for him to stay? He knew it could be the only time he stayed, because if it became a habit he knew it would lead to something much more than a friend staying to comfort another friend and he wasn't sure that would be wise at that particular moment in time. He wasn't even sure if he should stay at that moment, he knew one kiss would be enough to send them over the wall they had so carefully built between them.

He walked around to the other side of her bed and climbed on, making sure he remained above the sheets, and placed his arm around her, she immediately grabbed his hand with hers and held onto it tightly. The bed wasn't quite wide enough for the both of them, but John was content with being uncomfortable if it meant Elizabeth was happy.

"Go to sleep," he whispered.

"Sedge…" she said, quietly.

"What?" he asked.

"It's my dog's name…you wanted to know something about me, there you go," she said, yawning in the process.

"Good night," he said in her ear, resting his head against hers.

He was comforted by the closeness of another. It had been so long since he'd held someone, especially someone he cared about. He'd distanced himself from so many, afraid of loss, but he couldn't help feeling something for the woman in his arms.

He felt her start shaking, and the grip of her hand around his tighten, and he knew she was trying hard not to cry out loud. She wasn't used to this, to war, to loss, and even now, after so many years of his own experience, he wasn't used to it either. It wasn't something one got used to, but it was something one learnt to deal with.

He let her cry in silence, knowing that it was the only way she would be able to fall asleep eventually, and after what seemed like hours she ceased shaking.

"Elizabeth?" he said, so quietly he was surprised when he got a reply.

"Hmmm…" was all she managed.

He lay there for a long time after that, contemplating his next words, whether to speak them, words he hadn't spoken for over a decade. But with her lying in his arms, having cried her eyes out, opened up to him earlier in a way she had never done before, and to have the memory of her admission running through his head, he knew that when he spoke them he would mean it…

"I love you too," he whispered, barely audible.

He got no reply, whether he was to take it as her having fallen asleep, or not knowing how to react, he did not know, but at that moment it was what he had needed to say, more an admission to himself than to her.

He closed his eyes, and for the first time in weeks he slept well, void of all dreams.

* * *

**A/N: **_It will be a couple of weeks before my next chapter because I have exams coming up but promise an update as soon as they're over!_


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**A/N: **_Sorry about the delay in update...I had exams and i tried to study for them...shouldn't have bothered - failed anywayz...but back to doing the thing I actually like doing :D_

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**Chapter Eighteen**

Teyla opened her eyes, blinking a few times, the image before her was blurred and incredibly bright.

"She's awake!" an unfamiliar voice said.

It was followed by the sound of chair screeching across the floor and footsteps heading in her direction.

"Where am I?" she asked, trying to sit up.

She instantly regretted it, her arms were weak and unable to support her own weight, she fell instantly back, her head meeting with her pillow again.

"That's not a wise idea, lass," Carson's voice now. "You're back in Atlantis…"

"Aiden…?" she asked, quietly, almost as though she was afraid of asking.

The looked quickly shared between Carson and the man standing on the other side of her confirmed her suspicions, she didn't want to know the answer.

"Well he's alive…" Carson started.

"Alive? And here?" she asked.

"Yes he's in the next room," Carson said.

She tried to sit up again, forgetting her earlier failure, but this time she succeeded in pushing herself up far enough that she could lean against her pillow. "I must see him."

"He's not…Teyla he's unconscious," Carson said slowly.

"But he is alive?" she said.

Carson nodded.

"Then I must see him…" she said.

"I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that," Carson said.

"Well if you will not, than I must do it myself," she said, slowly moving her legs to the edge of the bed, threatening to get out, but knowing there was no way she could stand, in fact she could barely feel the lower half of her legs.

"There's no chance you're walking on those legs," Carson said.

"Then I will drag myself by my teeth to the next room…" she said, glaring at him.

"How about I get a wheel chair?" he suggested.

She didn't reply. He seemed to take this as a yes and walked off.

She looked down at her legs. They were blue, completely covered in bruising, that was in the parts she could see, the rest was covered in bandages. She looked at her arms, the same there. The memory of what exactly had happened slowly came back to her, and she instantly felt like vomiting.

"You OK? You don't look so good…" Carson said, returning to the room, pushing a wheelchair.

"I'm fine," Teyla lied.

The two doctors helped her into the wheelchair, and Carson slowly wheeled her into the room next door. Aiden Ford was hooked up to machines which were still unfamiliar to her, he lay flat on his back, eyes shut. She wanted to run to him, to shout at him to wake up. He had to be OK, if he wasn't it would be her fault. She should have done more to save him.

"I want to be alone," Teyla said as Carson stopped the chair next to Ford's bed.

Carson didn't reply, but walked out of the room. She heard him pause at the door and look back, but then he was gone.

**

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**

Elizabeth opened her eyes, the weight of an arm still lightly wrapped around her waist, a hand still barely clasped in hers. She lifted her hand slowly, placing her fingers against his slowly, assuring herself of his presence. He was breathing against her neck, obviously fast asleep. The light was seeping through into the room, but a quick glance at the clock reassured her that no one would seek her out for at least another hour.

She turned slowly, to face the man who was sleeping like a log next to her. She reached forward and placed her hand against his chest softly, feeling it rise and fall slowly. She looked up to his face, it was calm and relaxed, and for the first time in weeks she felt the same, forgetting all about the outside world. This was where she wanted to be, and she wanted to be there for a long time, for as long as she could. But she knew after he woke up, after they departed for the morning, that it would be the end.

She felt tears well up within her at the knowledge that this would most likely be the last time, at least in the near future, that either of them allowed the other one to get so close. She wasn't sure exactly why it was wrong, but it was. There was nothing specifically in the rules that kept them apart, but yet there was nothing and no one to condone any actions they might consider.

Mitchell certainly wouldn't approve.

She wanted the moment to last forever, to be able to stare at his recently shaven face, his boyish charm. He was so close, and it took all the self-restrain that she contained not to reach up and place her hand on his cheek, to wake him up and greet him with a morning kiss, a habit she had long ago forged with someone else, and long since forgotten…

A sudden realisation over her feelings hit her like a hurricane. She was lying in bed with John Sheppard, his arm draped around her, while Ford and Teyla both remained in hospital beds, in pain. She stared at him for a few more seconds, drawing in every possible picture, smell, sensation of their closeness, placing it in her memory, before slowly lifting his arm from where it still loosely lay around her, and slipping quietly out of the bed.

She realised she still wore her uniform. She grabbed her jeans and a shirt that were still lying over her chair from a week or so earlier, and entered the bathroom. She got dressed slowly, a part of her knowing that if she went out there, she might not like what she met. She watched her reflection in the mirror, wondering when she had begun to look and feel like a ghost. She was paler than she remembered, thinner, her hair hung loosely around her face. A sadness seemed to haunt her expression, one that even a fake smile couldn't seem to shake.

She'd changed. She could see that clearly in her reflection. The last part of the old Elizabeth Weir had seemingly died in that torture room, along with the Wraith she had murdered. She didn't feel like herself anymore, in fact she wasn't sure at all of who she was. If she wasn't Dr. Elizabeth Weir, negotiator for peace treaties, occasionally head of secret government programs or expeditions, then who was she?

_A soldier._

_Elizabeth Weir the soldier, the warrior, the fighter…_

The words haunted her. She had become the thing she'd been fighting to prevent people from becoming her entire life. She remembered being in elementary school and making the boys talk out their problems rather than hitting each other. She had studied hard, through her university life demonstrating against weapons and the military, and once she graduated had taken the knowledge with her to get to the problem at its core. War. The entire reason for the need for weapons and military, she had spent her whole life trying to prevent killing.

And yet there she stood, staring at a stranger in the mirror, wondering how she had become the thing she'd once fought to destroy.

She turned around and exited the bathroom, not wanting to think about it for as long as she could possibly avoid. She paused as she threw her work uniform over her chair, glancing again at John. He was asleep, fast asleep, unusual for a soldier, as they all seemed to be programmed to wake up at the smallest sound or movement. Although she figured he probably hadn't slept since he'd descended, which gave him plenty of reason to be tired. Something was vaguely tugging at the back of her mind, but she didn't know if it was real or if she'd imagined it.

_"I love you too."_

The words were bouncing around her head all of a sudden, spoken in John's soft voice, so quietly she hadn't been sure she'd heard it. It had been real, hadn't it? The same way that the kiss they'd shared, but hadn't, had been real.

Feelings came flooding back into her mind. The fear, the anger, the sadness, the tears…Every emotion she'd felt after losing him suddenly welled up inside of her. How could it be that she'd buried them so easily? That it was almost like she'd forgotten her own grief.

He moved slightly and she jumped, afraid he would wake up and she'd have to face him. She moved toward the door, but paused again as she reached it.

_The cowards way out_.

That's what she was doing, escaping before she had to face up to her feelings for him. But she couldn't do it, she wouldn't let herself give in. She opened the door and walked out, as quickly as she could manage.

**

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**

The door slid open in front of him, and Rodney walked into the room, sandwich in hand. He stopped suddenly, noticing Teyla was sitting alone next to Ford's bed.

"Oh, sorry…" he said. "I was just coming to bring food to the Lieutenant, because I thought maybe if he had something to look forward to he might…wake up…"

Teyla didn't look at him but she smiled slightly. "I'm sure we all wish that were the case."

Rodney placed the plate containing the sandwich on the table next to Teyla. "So uh…how are you feeling?"

"I will be fine," she replied.

"What about now?"

She remained silent for a few moments, then turned to looked at him. "Not well, but as I said, I will be fine."

She smiled and then looked back at Ford. For the first time Rodney looked down at the marine that he barely knew, considering they'd been on a team together, and had never really gotten along all that well with. He noted that Teyla had placed her hand on top of Ford's, and for a moment he wondered if there was more going on there too.

Why was it that everyone seemed to have people except him? Was he really that arrogant and obnoxious that no one cared for him? That no one ever would…

"He's going to be OK," he blurted out suddenly.

"I wish I had your confidence," she replied.

Rodney placed his hand on her shoulder. "You just have to be positive…"

He noticed a small stone sitting on the table next to where he had placed the sandwich.

"What's that…" he asked.

"An Athosian healing stone," she replied, not moving her to eyes to look at what he was referring to. "It is supposed to help him heal faster…it does not appear to be working."

"You don't know that," Rodney replied.

"They why is he not waking?"

Her voice was cracking. He looked at her in surprise. He had never seen a weak moment in Teyla. She held herself strong even more-so than Elizabeth. Occasionally he had seen her and Sheppard break out in an argument, and she had elbowed Bates, but not like this. He wondered what she'd been through, what _they'd_ been through together. He couldn't even begin to imagine. He'd been on a couple of Wraith ships now, and every time he'd felt unsettled, cold and fearful, he didn't want to know what it felt like to held and tortured by the Wraith for close to a week.

"Teyla…" Rodney wasn't entirely sure what to say.

"As I said, I will be fine, I do not need your pity, or anyone else's, and now I wish to be left alone," she said.

Rodney removed his hand from her shoulder, but not himself from the room.

"Leave me!" she said, turning to face him.

"Teyla I just want to help…"

"Go _away!_" she shouted.

He was startled for a moment, then turned and left the room, afraid of what might happen to him if he didn't.

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	20. Chapter Nineteen

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Chapter Nineteen

As John opened his eyes more memories flooded back to haunt him. Friends, family, loss, flying, joy, death, Afghanistan, Antarctica, the SGC…memories he'd had vague flashes of the last couple of days, but they all seemed to come in at once, like an avalanche of stories, all falling into his lap in an instant.

He was so confused by the vividness of his own memory that for a moment he'd forgotten his surroundings. It wasn't until he sat up slightly and noticed the clothes hung over the chair, the photo frames with unfamiliar people inside them, that that memory took over from the others still fighting for his attention.

She'd gone.

Somehow that didn't surprise him, when he'd fallen asleep the night before he hadn't expected her to be there when he woke up, although he was surprised that he hadn't been woken up by her leaving. It would all be back to normal now, right? The immediate danger was over, and somewhere in one of the memories circling in his mind, that told him that emotions meant less. Yet somehow to him they didn't, they'd moved in and they liked the neighbourhood, and he had a funny feeling they weren't going anywhere anytime soon.

He placed his feet, still clad in his combat boots, on the floor and stood up. He quickly made the bed, as he would have felt bad if he'd left it a mess, then he made his way quickly out of the room, hoping that no one would see him exit.

John Sheppard was never that lucky.

"Major? What were you doing in Elizabeth's room?"

He closed his eyes for a second, composing himself, and turned to face Rodney. "I'm not in the mood, McKay."

"Wasn't that what you were wearing yesterday?" Rodney muttered.

"As a matter of fact…it is, what's it to you?" John shot back.

"Oh nothing, I'm just wondering what you were doing in Elizabeth's room at seven o'clock in the morning?"

"Looking for Elizabeth…" John replied.

"Really?" he said, dubiously.

"Look, Rodney, I'm not in the mood…" John replied.

"She's on the balcony," Rodney muttered.

John looked confused. Rodney sounded as though he was actually trying to help, but from what he remembered that wasn't what Rodney McKay ever tried to do, unless it was to help himself.

"Thanks…" John said quietly before turning and walking in the direction of the balcony.

**

* * *

**

Elizabeth stared out over the ocean, leaning against the poll for support, not sure at that moment whether she could up without the support. She was tired, her body felt weak and she knew she should head to the mess hall and get some food, but she needed to be out there right then. She needed to have the freedom to look out over the ocean.

When she'd first come to Atlantis the ocean had comforted her, brought her thoughts back to her home planet, reminding her of all the balconies she'd stood on over looking the ocean when on diplomatic trips she had been on back on Earth. There she could ignore the fact that they were in another galaxy and just see her home planet. But that morning it wasn't the reason she was out there. That morning when she looked out across the ocean she didn't see her old home, but her new one. She could see how the place that had once been foreign and strange to her was now the home she had thought she'd left behind.

She heard the door slide open, and knowing exactly who it was, refused to turn around. Maybe if she ignored him he'd go away. Not that she wanted him to go away, but she was afraid of him being there.

He didn't leave, instead he walked over to her and leaned on the railing next to her, not speaking, but joining her with staring out over the ocean. She wondered if he looked at it in the same way she did, as a representation of something much more, or whether he just saw it for what it was, a large mass of water.

She looked at him after a few moments. He was so real, standing before her, it was hard to believe that only a few days earlier she had believed him to be dead, had known him to be dead. His hair was being beaten by the wind, and in a way it almost made it neater than it's usual self.

"You think they'll send us back to Earth?" John asked after a few moments.

"I don't know…" she replied truthfully. "A part of me wants to go back, but only for a holiday."

John turned to look at her. "You feel at home here."

It was a statement, not a question. He was showing her he felt the same. This was their home, they'd fought to keep it and they were staying.

"Yeah," she said, quietly.

Silence fell between them again. She continued watching him as he stared out across the 'Lantian ocean. Was he going to mention it? Or were they going to ignore everything that had happened. Her question was answered a few moments later;

"McKay caught me walking out of your room," John muttered, turning to face her. "I told him I was looking for you and he pointed me in this direction…"

She realised all of a sudden she was caught staring directly into his eyes. She couldn't look away, that would show her nervousness. She was afraid, afraid that whatever the decision they made next was, that it would be the wrong one.

"Yeah he came out here and offered me coffee, then realised that was a bad idea because we ran out weeks ago," Elizabeth smiled slightly.

He smiled back at her. "So what are you doing out here?"

"I just needed to be outside," she replied.

"We could go to the mainland later if you wanted?" he asked.

Elizabeth closed her eyes for a moment, the memory of the last time she was on the mainland flooding back to her. The pain she was feeling, seeing him in her head but it being so real. Kissing him.

She opened her eyes again and looked at the man in front of her. "I'd love to."

Moments later she regretted her choice in words. She'd seen something cross his face as he'd heard her say the word 'love'. She was being stupid, acting like a stupid high school student with their first crush. In the post-urgency of the danger they had been in everything seemed less clear, more confusing. Things that had seemed so crystal to her 24 hours earlier now seemed like someone had washed them in mud, so that she could now only see through the small gaps between the mud. She watched the man in front of her, suddenly afraid of what he represented.

"…but I probably shouldn't," she finished.

He watched her for a moment, the expression on his face turning from hopeful to sad before he smiled, a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"It's OK, we should probably both stay here, you know, in case something happens…" he replied, although she could hear the hurt in his voice.

What were they doing? It wasn't as though they'd slept together, they hadn't even kissed…not really, yet here they were acting awkward as though they were both hiding some horrible secret.

_"I love you too."_

His words echoed through her head, as they had been all morning. How could she ignore a confession like that? The more she thought about it the clearer the memory came back to her. Him saying her name quietly, her replying and then waiting for what was to come next, he'd taken so long to continue that she had almost come to the conclusion that he wasn't going to. Then she'd heard them, the words that she wanted to hear, yet was also terrified of facing up to. She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering the look on his face as he'd gone off to blow up the Wraith ship, the feeling of his lips against hers…as he turned around to leave, she grabbed his hand without thinking, turning him back around.

"I can't do this, John…" she said quietly, looking him directly in the eyes.

He watched her for a moment and she could see everything running through his mind, trying to figure out what she was referring to, it didn't take him long to figure it out.

"We don't have to," he replied, looking down at her hand in his. "But let's start from the beginning…how about dinner and a movie Friday night? I think we could both use the relaxation…"

His faced broke out in a smile that was infectious. She felt a slight grin spread across her lips as well.

"That…would be great," she replied.

"Good," he said. "Now if you'd excuse me, I have friends I'd like to check up on."

"I'll come with you," she replied.

The two of them left the balcony. Elizabeth felt the grin still tugging at her lips, but she refrained from smiling too much, reminding herself that her friends will still injured badly, yet she felt happy inside in a way that she hadn't for years.

**

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**

Rodney stood outside Ford's hospital room, afraid to enter because of Teyla's reaction to him earlier, yet he was worried for his team-mate. He felt bad that they hadn't done more faster to save the two of them, they'd been through so much, when he'd thought he'd been going through a lot. But what they'd been through was a hundred times worse.

"Rodney."

He turned to see John and Elizabeth approaching. Something about them appeared different to him, like they were happier, closer even. He thought back to that morning and seeing John exiting Elizabeth's room, was there something going on there?

"I wouldn't go in there, Teyla was ready to murder me this morning," Rodney muttered.

The two of them stopped next to him and looked in through the window. Teyla was sitting still next to Ford's bed, although she had removed her hand from Ford's, the position probably becoming incredibly uncomfortable.

"I'm going in to check on her," John said.

Rodney turned to look at him, half expecting Elizabeth to reach out and squeezeJohn's hand or something, but she just nodded and continued staring at the people under her command, arms crossed, a determined look on her face. John entered the room and walked slowly over to where Teyla was sitting. Rodney watched as he placed a hand on her shoulder in the same way Rodney had earlier, yet Teyla didn't blow up at him as she had Rodney. Instead she turned to look at him and even smiled slightly at something he said. How did he do that?

"How does he do that?" Rodney muttered, more to himself than anyone.

"I wish I knew," Elizabeth replied. "He just seems to have a way with people."

"You included?" Rodney had spoken the words before he'd even though about what he'd said.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to reply but no sound came out, she shut it again and continued watching her friends in the infirmary. Rodney studied her face, she was hiding her emotion, careful not to show to him how she was feeling. She'd shown enough emotion in the past week and he knew that for someone who hid her emotions from him as much as possible that had been too much.

"We didn't sleep together, Rodney," she said, and then confusion crossed her face before she turned to face him. "Well…not in the way you might have jumped to the conclusion of when you saw John leaving my room this morning."

Now he was confused. He had assumed that John was looking for Elizabeth, just as he'd stated. To tell the truth he hadn't actually seen John _in_ Elizabeth's room, just exiting it.

"I didn't say…"

"No but you were thinking it," she said.

"No I really wasn't…" Rodney said, now curious as to why she was jumping to her defence so quickly whereas she usually thought things through more carefully. "But now I am."

"He…" she pause and looked back at the infirmary, avoiding looking into Rodney's eyes. "He stayed with me last night, but nothing happened, it was just as a friend, I just needed someone to be there…"

"Someone or him?" Rodney replied, again regretting his words the moment he said them.

Elizabeth sighed quietly but didn't make out as though she was going to answer his question, a question that she knew he knew the answer to, otherwise he would never have asked it. Rodney looked into the infirmary at John as he pulled up a chair and sat down next to Teyla. He wondered what it was that pulled people together in the way that John and Elizabeth had been, was it just a natural reaction for them to care for each other, or was it because of what they'd been through? Or both?

Again the overwhelming feeling of loneliness swept over him. His mind wandered to Samantha Carter for a moment, wondering if he'd ever really had a chance with her. Thinking back he had couldn't help but wonder if her and Jack O'Neill had had the whole 'Elizabeth and John' thing going and he'd just been to blind to see it. Although he had seen it…maybe he'd just ignored it because he was in denial.

"That's what I thought," Rodney said, not looking at Elizabeth.

**

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**

"How are you feeling?"

Teyla felt a hand land on her shoulder but didn't reply, John Sheppard knew perfectly well how she was feeling and she had no obligation to answer him.

"Teyla…ignoring me isn't going to make him wake up any faster," John continued.

She tensed and clenched her jaw tightly, not so much because she was angry at him, and everything, which she was, but more because she was trying to stop herself from crying. She was a leader, Athosian leaders did not cry, they had to remain strong to be an example for their people.

She felt John's hand disappear from her shoulder and a few seconds later he appeared next to her, having pulled up a chair and sat down. She felt him watching her, and could see him out of the corner of her eye, but no part of her wanted to talk, he just wanted Aiden to wake up. If he didn't she felt it would be her fault.

"I didn't do enough to help him," she said, quietly, surprising even herself that she had spoken.

"You did everything you could…" John said.

"No I didn't!" her voice was harsher and louder now and she could hear her own coldness.

She didn't want to be angry at John, but he was being so frustrating, why wasn't he understanding? She hadn't done anything, she hadn't done enough, that was obvious from the fact that Aiden was still lying on the hospital bed in a coma.

"He knew he wasn't coming back," Teyla muttered, trying to connect to John on a personal level as a way of apologising without actually saying the words.

"You don't know that," John said.

"Yes I do," she paused, thinking back to the Wraith torture facility. "He kissed me…"

She faltered, the memories of what had happened too much for her to deal with, the tears were fighting their way closer to the front of her eyes, wanting to escape from the ducts that held them back.

"He…when they took him, he kissed me, he knew…" she looked away, not wanting John to see her eyes shimmering.

She felt John's arm around as he tried to pull her towards him to hug her, but she shook him off, she didn't need his pity, she didn't _want_ his pity. She wanted to go back to the way things were, before the siege.

"Teyla no one ever _knows_ if they're coming back or not, it's a risk we take as soldiers every time we step through that gate," John said, retracting his arm, probably from fear that she would attack him violently if he didn't.

"He knew," she said. "You do not understand what it was like, to be there, to know they were coming, that it was highly unlikely we would be rescued, and then to see the fear in his eyes when they marched him away…"

She stopped and looked back towards John, her eyes were now dry, drier than usual, and she felt a though they were burning, the hatred for the Wraith coming from inside her and trying to eat away at her eyes.

"Don't fight this by yourself, Teyla," John said. "We're here for you."

She shook her head slowly."You all mean well, but there is nothing you can do to help."

"We can try," John smiled at her, and she instantly felt as though someone had lifted a load from her chest, he was her friend.

Glancing past him out to the hallway she could see Weir and McKay standing there, watching them. She let herself smile properly, suddenly aware of how much they all cared about her wellbeing.

"Thank you," she replied, then noticed that John was no longer looking at her, but staring straight at Aiden's bed.

She turned to look and saw his finger moving slightly. "Call Dr Beckett…"

John stood up and jogged into the room next door, at the same moment Elizabeth and Rodney burst into the infirmary, obviously having noticed their reaction. Teyla looked up at the strange human machinery, the readings on it had changed, not that she knew what any of it meant.

"Tey…" she read on his lips more than she could hear him.

She felt her eyes widen slightly as she leaned forward, reaching over and touching his hand, not quite sure he was there. He moved his fingers, lacing them through hers. She felt a smile spreading across her face involuntarily.

"Aiden?" she whispered.

His eyes opened and he moved his head slightly to look at her. She felt Elizabeth and Rodney standing behind her, but she didn't care at that moment. Aiden half smiled at her.

"Hey," he croaked out.

At that moment John re-arrived with Beckett in tow. Everything seemed to happen in a rush as people ran in from all directions.

"I'll talk to you later…" she said, removing her hand from his.

"I'm looking forward…" he said, before breathing in sharply, showing he was in great amounts of pain.

She smiled at him before she felt one of the doctors wheeled her away from the bed side.

**

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	21. Chapter Twenty

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**Chapter Twenty**

_3 Days Later_

"Hey Lieutenant, how're you feeling?" John grinned as he sat down on the chair next to Ford's bed.

"Much better than before, sir," he replied, smiling back. "It's good to see you alive, by the way."

"Yeah, it usually helps with the whole…seeing thing," John said.

"Dr Weir told me everything that happened," Aiden said.

"Everything? Well I'll have to give her some lessons in keeping secrets then won't I?" John was grinning at him.

He watched as Aiden smiled back widely, it was good to see him getting back to being his old self. He felt for his younger companion, John had seen his friends go through similar things in Afghanistan, but they hadn't survived. Aiden couldn't walk yet but Beckett had convinced them all that give it a month or so and he'd be back to normal.

"It's good to have you back," John said.

"Likewise, sir, not that I was really around to notice you missing," Aiden replied, smiling.

"So you think you're up for a little…adventure?" John asked, standing up.

"Adventure, sir?" Aiden questioned.

John turned to look at the door where he knew Rodney was waiting with the wheelchair. On cue, Rodney entered the room. A big smile crossed Aiden's face as he saw the wheelchair.

"Where are we going?"

"Not far, trust me, my arms couldn't deal with pushing you long distances," Rodney replied.

The two of them helped their friend out of his hospital bed and onto the wheelchair, before Rodney began pushing Aiden out of the room. The three of them headed to the transporter and up a floor until they reached their destination. Elizabeth and Teyla were already sitting in the room with the TV, having made themselves comfortable.

John didn't miss the small smile shared between Teyla and Aiden as they entered the room. He wasn't surprised how close they had become after going through what they had, and he knew they would be connected in that way for the rest of their lives, no matter what happened. He let his eyes flick to Elizabeth but she wasn't looking at him, in a way he was glad, he'd delayed their night out to make sure that the others had a good night as well. She agreed with him completely, but in a way he wished he could have the time alone with her.

He watched her as she talked to Rodney who was holding up a bunch of DVD's, her smile was small but real, her eyes glinting with the hint of her mischievous side that was always there but rarely came out. He'd never noticed exactly how beautiful she was before, not only her looks, just everything about her, the way she moved, the way she talked,her presence -he'd never seen someone in that way before. If he hadn't known a week ago he knew now, he cared about her more than he'd cared about anyone in his life.

Just as he thought that she glanced in his direction. For a moment he wasn't sure what to do, whether to smile or to look away, or he could walk over and plant a kiss right on her mouth – but something told him that would be a bad idea right at that moment in time. He opted with smiling at her. She smiled back. He walked over to her and leaned over the back of the sofa, resting on his arms and looking at her. She narrowed her eyes slightly at him.

"Sorry about dinner," he said, quietly enough that Teyla, Rodney and Aiden who were now arguing over what movie they should watch, couldn't hear him.

"This is good too," she replied. "Probably more private than the mess hall would have been."

"There's a point," he smiled at her, suddenly incredibly aware of the closeness of her face to his.

He jumped over the back of the sofa and sat down next to her, Rodney now on his other side, Teyla having vacated it to sit closer to Aiden.

"Popcorn," Carson announced loudly as he and Zelenka entered the room.

"So I guess there was an upside to the marines coming through from Earth," John muttered as he took a bowl and held it out in front of Elizabeth.

As he did so Rodney reached across and tried to take some from him. Johnhit his arm away.

"Patience, McKay," he said.

"I'm hungry, I need food," Rodney replied.

"So does Elizabeth, now wait your turn," John muttered.

"I can defend myself you know, John," she said, digging her hand in and taking some popcorn

"I was just being nice," John said, taking some himself before passing it to Rodney who settled it in his lab.

"You were just playing favourites," Rodney muttered.

"Was not," John replied.

"Was too."

"Was not."

"Was too…"

"Gentlemen…" Elizabeth's assertive voice stopped them both in their tracks.

Carson popped the video in and Zelenka shut the lights off. The movie started.

"_The Wizard of Oz_?" Rodney questioned loudly.

"It's a perfectly good movie, Rodney," Carson replied.

"It's a hundred years old!" Rodney replied.

"Not quite…" Elizabeth said.

"Rodney just watch it," John said.

That made them all fall silent. John had to admit to himself that he had less interest in the movie than the woman sitting in incredibly close proximity next to him. Her legs was pressed against his, he wasn't sure if that was because of the lack of space on the sofa, or on purpose, but either way it was distracting. Dorothy hadn't even made it to Oz by the time John's attention was focused completely on Elizabeth. He could hear her breathing so close to his head, yet still too far, and the battle not to reach out and touch her hand, which lay so clearly on her knee, was almost unbearable.

Thankfully she made his decision easier, reaching out and touching his hand, which lay only cm's from hers on his own leg. He felt stupid, like he was on his first ever date or something, yet somehow with Elizabeth it all meant so much more, anyone else and he would have done something about it months ago rather than let the feelings bottle up inside, but he was afraid of loss. His life had been so haunted by loss and devastation that he pushed himself away from people, but he couldn't do that now. He turned to look at Elizabeth, wrapping his hand around hers and squeezing it tightly.

She obviously sensed him looking at her because she turned to look at him too. For a moment he thought she was going to kiss him, but he should have known better, it was Elizabeth and they were in a room full of people who worked under them. Instead she smiled and went back to watching the movie. But the promise was there, the knowledge that there would be a kiss, another one.

It was the one thing he remembered from his ascension, his whole conversation with Elizabeth, as clearly as though it had happened five minutes earlier. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her as she continued watching the movie. He remembered everything, the look in her eyes, her hesitation as she'd leaned forward and kissed him, seeming surprised. He'd had no intention of kissing her, only of giving her the information she needed to save the others, and then to say goodbye properly. Yet somehow she'd managed to turn it into an incentive for him to come back.

He let his vision drop to her lips, watching them, remembering how they had, or hadn't, felt against his as she'd said goodbye to him for what she thought would be the last time. They'd been given a second opportunity and he wasn't going to waste it. She nudged him, still looking ahead.

"Watch the movie," she whispered, looking at him.

"I am," John replied, turning back to the screen.

Again he wished they were alone, but he knew that time would come. Now was time for their own small family to enjoy each other's company…

**

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**

Elizabeth felt her eyelids dropping shut, but kept forcing them back open knowing there was only a few minutes left of the movie. Had they been alone she would have happily gone to sleep on John's shoulder hours ago…but she couldn't let herself be that relaxed, not in the company of her…friends? She wondered what stopped her, was it her professional side? The years of diplomatic training and time spent with politicians?

"Stay awake," John whispered.

She flung her eyes open and looked at him. "I am…" she repeated his earlier words.

"No you're not, I don't want to have to carry you to bed…" John's smile was enough to make her melt right there on the sofa, but she refrained.

She didn't know how to react to his comment either, of course she'd love to have John carry her to bed and then have him stay as he had a few nights earlier, but she felt somehow that it was wrong to want that. The end credits came up and Elizabeth stood up.

"Wow did I smell that bad that you hadda get away that fast?" John asked.

"Oh puh-lease," Rodney muttered under his breath but John ignored him, instead his eyes fell to Teyla and Aiden.

Although Teyla had been seated in the chair and Aiden in his wheelchair, she had still ended up with her head on his shoulder and was fast asleep, Aiden's head leaning against hers, also sleeping.

"Should we leave them?" John asked, nodding at them.

"I would say no, but they could both use a decent sleep and they seem comfortable. Teyla is probably capable of moving Lieutenant Ford back to the infirmary should they awaken," Carson replied.

Rodney stood up, popcorn bucket still in hand and yawned. "Well I'm going to bed."

"Yeah me too," Elizabeth yawned as John stood up.

"I'll walk you to your quarters," John said.

Elizabeth was too tired to care what it looked like to the others, they could think what they wanted, and they would probably be hypothesising correctly. She looked up at John, seeing him run his tongue quickly over his dry lips and suddenly felt a knot tie itself in her stomach so strongly that she wanted to vomit it up. Although she decided that probably wasn't the best thing to do at that moment in time.

The two of them walked into the corridor in silence and headed towards Elizabeth's quarters.

"You know…" John said after a few moments. "The Wizard of Oz is sort of like what we're going through if you think about it…"

"How so?" she asked.

"Well we were transported by a swirly thing, to another world…and there we killed a wicked witch which woke up all these other evil people which we now have to destroy," John said.

"If you look at it that way, yes I guess this is like the Wizard of Oz," Elizabeth replied. "But there's a difference…"

"What?" John asked.

"I don't want to go home to Aunty Em…I like it here," she replied.

"Me too," John said. "Kansas just doesn't seem like Kansas anymore…"

"No…Oz feels like Kansas," Elizabeth stopped outside her quarters. "Well John Sheppard, I guess this is goodnight."

"I guess it is," John replied. "So, uh, dinner tomorrow?"

"Sure you're not going to invite the rest of Atlantis?" Elizabeth joked.

He smiled slightly but didn't laugh. "I'm sorry about that, it just seemed like the best option right then…how about tomorrow we go out to the opposite side of Atlantis, watch the sun set and have a picnic…"

"Isn't that what you did before you had alien sex with Chaya?" Elizabeth narrowed her eyes, a mischievous grin appearing on her lips.

"Alien sex? I never…"

"I know," Elizabeth replied.

"Chaya was just, you know, a really hot chick," John defended himself.

"And I'm not?" Elizabeth asked, raising an eyebrow, still with a mischievous smile on her lips.

She watched as his eyes searched hers, looking for the right answer. He reached forward and placed his hand against her cheek.

"No…you're beautiful," he replied. "The expression 'hot chick' isn't enough to describe what I feel for you."

Elizabeth almost choked on her saliva, or sudden distinct lack of it. It was different when confessions were made without the other person having to respond, when you couldn't see their eyes. But at that moment she could see into his eyes, into everything that was John Sheppard, and she knew, he meant it.

"I…" she stopped there, realising there was no ending to that sentence.

She reached her hand up and lightly rested it against his which was still pressed against her cheek.

"The other night…"

"I heard," she cut him off before he could finish.

His lips were against hers before she'd taken her next breath, kissing her softly. She placed her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. The kiss didn't last long, but when he leaned back Elizabeth saw a glint in John's eyes that hadn't been there before, a sparkle of joy.

"Goodnight, Elizabeth," he said, turning around and walking away.

She considered for a moment running after him, kissing him again, but she knew he hadn't kissed her long for a good reason and however much she wanted him to stay with her that night, they weren't ready, not to be able to deal with it afterwards. They'd been through too much that week to be sure of themselves, but it wouldn't take long.

She stood at her doorway until he was out of sight and then walked inside her quarters hearing the door shut behind her. Instead of heading to her bed Elizabeth made her way to the window and sat down on the floor in front of it, leaving the room in complete darkness. There was just one thing nagging at her. Simon.

She hoped he had taken the tape she'd sent him as a sign to move on, she really didn't want him to wait around for her, because she wasn't coming back. Simon could never be a part of her life as he once had been, he didn't understand anything about what they'd been through, what they'd done, so how could he possibly be?

She thought about the certain three words she'd spoken to John, how at the time she hadn't been telling him, she'd been telling herself. She had never intended for him to hear them, yet in a way she had wanted him to. She half regretted that now, but in more ways than one she didn't. The taste of his lips on hers was still present, she never wanted it to go away, everything about it all seemed so right, too right.

Something inside her clenched as she realised how easy it would be for them to lose each other, how maybe getting herself into this wasn't such a good idea after all. She could see it now, his team returning through the gate without him there. She tried to push the thoughts away, knowing that she couldn't think like that. They were first and foremost there to explore another galaxy, John Sheppard was just an added bonus.

She closed her eyes.

_"Who is this?" Elizabeth stopped in front of the Ancient control chair, looking at the man dressed in the green flight-suit. _

_Jack O'Neill walked up the step and looked at the man on the chair. "I said don't touch anything…"_

_"I just sat down!" the man replied, obviously nervous and having no idea what he'd just done._

_"Major, think about where we are in the solar system…" Rodney said, holding his hands up for some unknown reason._

_The solar system appeared above his head. __Elizabeth__ felt a grin involuntarily spreading across her face. He used the gene so naturally, as though he was an Ancient, with a simple ease that Beckett couldn't have had as hard as he tried. _

_"Did I do that?"_

_It was at that moment that __Elizabeth__ knew the Major, whoever he was, was going to be on her expedition team, no matter what anyone else said, she would make sure he was with them. It wasn't such a downside that he was incredibly cute either. She shook that thought from her mind instantly, reminding herself that she was with someone and perfectly happy._

_"Uh can I, make the solar system go away now?" the Major asked._

_"Get up," Jack muttered._

_The Major stood up. _

_"I'm Dr. Elizabeth Weir," __Elizabeth__ said, holding out her hand._

_"Major John Sheppard…so, uh, what did I just do?" he shook her hand and then nodded at the chair. "Do I have that gene thing the doctor here was just telling me about?"_

_"It certainly looks like it…" Beckett replied._

_"Yes well, it seems like everyone's got the gene around here then doesn't it?" Rodney said, a distinct tone of jealousy coming through._

_"Major…Sheppard was it? I think we should get to know each other," __Elizabeth__ said, ignoring Rodney._

Thinking back to the beginning made her realise exactly how much they had all changed, all of them. She'd led them all to this galaxy and they'd lived there a year, surrounded by only each other, dealing with situations that most of them would never have dreamed of two years earlier.

They were her family, and her friends, and while she was their leader maybe sometimes she had to let them closer to her. She'd learnt a lot in the past few days, and that was one of them. They were family to each other now, and they had to stick together no matter what happened, Wraith, Genii or even military personnel from Earth.

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**A/N: **_One more chapter left folks! _


	22. Epilogue

**A/N: **_Thanks so much to everyone who's read and reviewed (or not reviewed and just read) this fic, here's the last chapter…hope you all enjoy what actually happens next tomorrow! _

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**Epilogue**

"You've got mail," Rodney's voice came from the direction of her doorway.

She looked at him in surprise. "Mail?"

"Yeah, Caldwell and his men brought it on the _Daedalus_," he said, throwing the letter down on her desk. "Just thought I'd hand it out."

"Why, thank you, Rodney," she said, sounding slightly surprise.

"I, uh, what did you want me to do with the mail for…you know…the ones that didn't make it?" he asked, a sullen tone, something she wasn't used to hearing from him.

She thought about it for a few moments before looking back up at him. "We'll keep them, and when we next have contact with Earth we'll ask the relatives what they want done with them."

Rodney nodded and turned around to leave, then stopped. "Oh…there was another letter for you from General O'Neill."

He dug through the bag slung around his shoulder that appeared to be full of letters and found what he was looking for, throwing it on the table with the other one.

"Thank you," she said.

As Rodney left she looked down at the two letters. Both handwritings were incredibly familiar to her, and she hesitated for a moment, wondering which letter to read first. General O'Neill's would most likely be business, but Simon's…

She picked it up and flipped it over, looking at the return address on the back. After a few moments of staring she opened it slowly, pulling the neatly folded paper out. It took her another few second before she could bring herself to unfold it and read.

_Elizabeth,_

_I got the tape. I don't know if you'll even get this, from what I gathered you don't have much contact with Earth, but I felt the need to write it anyway. I've enjoyed your company for the years we've been together, and whenever you come back, I'll still be here for you…but you're right, we shouldn't be waiting for each other. If that rule applies for me then it also applies for you._

_I want you to be happy __Elizabeth__, more than you know, and I realise that if exploring a far-distant galaxy is what can do that, then I understand, or at least I'll try my best. Since the original tape you left me my life has changed, the knowledge that aliens exist? That it's possible to travel to other planets? It's just unbelievable, and I think I'm still struggling within myself to comprehend that. _

_When that Air Force officer turned up on my doorstep last week, I thought you were dead. My first reaction when seeing him was that something bad had happened and they'd sent him out to inform me. But instead he gave me confirmation that you're still alive. _

_You looked sad on the tape, __Elizabeth__ I don't want you to be sad. Be happy, for me. _

_Sedge misses you, I think he knows who his real owner is, and it's not me. If it was possible to send animals to wherever you are, the Pegasus Galaxy? I would, but when I asked the officer he said that was impossible. He did however give me an address to mail this to. Who knew __Cheyenne __Mountain__ was secretly the way to get to another planet?_

_Love Always, _

_Simon_

She read it a few times before putting it down. He'd accepted her telling him to move on, but he wasn't going to do it, instead in return giving her the permission to do so – something she'd already done. Guilt hit her hard and she blinked a few times to get rid of the mist that was clouding her eyes.

Instinctively she pushed the letter away and picked up the second one. There was no hesitation opening this one, just curiosity.

_Elizabeth Weir,_

_Who would have thought, leader of a colony, or at least that's the way a certain Dr. Kavanaugh says you seem to think of yourself. Personally I never liked the man, but feel free to send him back at anytime. Sorry about the military personnel I sent through, they may not be the nicest men around but they're good in a battle (but don't tell them I said that). I'd ask how things are, but I'm planning to see both you and Major (or maybe I should say Lt. Colonel) Sheppard in a week or so – depending how long it takes you to kick those Wraith butts! _

_Yes that's right, I'm promoting Major Sheppard, what he's done in taking over as military commander without any prior experience as one, in another galaxy against an enemy more evil than anything even I've come across (and that's saying something), I think he deserves it. I also thought you might like to be there when he's promoted, being that you're the leader of the colony and all._

_Is that joke getting old yet?_

_Anyway, I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be around, I'm actually considering retirement – fishing to do, friends to hang around with more – this whole desk job thing just really isn't me. Although if you want to swap I'll be quite happy to head over to Atlantis…_

_Just so you know, we didn't forget about you in the months you were missing. We did try to send a team (including General Hammond and Daniel – I know you had a thing for Daniel don't deny it) on the Prometheus – but that didn't go down so well. We had a female alien take Daniel hostage and the whole situation just got out of hand…so they never quite made it to the Pegasus Galaxy._

_If you're wondering how things are around here, they're pretty much great. I think we've finally defeated the Goa'uld – at least Anubis and his followers – so the galaxy is at peace…that's not an invitation to send any of those Wraith things our way. Carter found the tape sent from Rodney incredibly entertaining, well actually she was more embarrassed, but we found it incredibly entertaining – I don't think Lieutenant Ford was supposed to send most of it though. Good on him for doing so, maybe he also deserves a promotion. I should consider that, for being cheeky. _

_Anyway the Daedalus should be heading back to Earth in a couple of days – and I expect both you and Major (Lt. Colonel) Sheppard on it. Oh and it's a surprise, so don't go telling him._

_Brigadier General Jack O'Neill (almost retired)_

Elizabeth knew he had entered her room, but she was completely absorbed in the letter. She held up a finger to stop him talking and heard him sigh as he plonked down in the seat opposite her. She could see him fiddling with something that he'd picked up off her desk so she put the letter down – having finished it- and narrowed her eyes at him.

"I swear John, you break anything…"

"I gave it to you," he replied, holding out the circular jar before placing it back on her desk. "So I don't plan on breaking it…"

"Did you just come here to annoy me?" she asked.

"In case you'd forgotten, it's Saturday, which for one means you shouldn't be working so hard and two means we have a sunset to watch," he grinned at her. "I left the picnic back in my quarters so I don't…" he glanced quickly at the people in the control room, "…start any unneeded rumours."

Elizabeth looked at him for a few moments. "You know, John, they're going to start eventually…"

"Oh they already have, just didn't feel like adding to them today," he said, jumping up. "Come on or we're going to miss it."

_They already have? _The thought disconcerted her somehow, knowing that the people she was the leader of spread rumours about her. Although in a way it made sense, she remembered being back at high school and spreading rumours about their teachers, all in good fun – it wasn't like anyone had seriously believed that their physics teacher was an alien, although with the knowledge she had now, who knew?

"Elizabeth," he said, in a half whiny tone.

She looked at him in surprise. "You just sounded like my younger brother telling me to hurry up and get out of the bathroom."

"Out of the bathroom? You weren't one of those bathroom-hogging sisters were you?" he grinned at her mischievously. "Because you know, they're just not fun…"

She fought the urge to throw something at him and stood up, closing her laptop lid as she did so. The two of them walked, pretty much in silence – only an occasional joke or taunt directed at the other, to his quarters where he ducked inside and got the picnic.

"OK, now we're ready," he was still grinning, and she wondered for a moment if it was plastered on there.

It took them a twenty minutes – with the use of a transporter – to reach their destination, but Elizabeth decided it was worth the distance. It meant they were as far away from Atlantis, and prying eyes, as they couldn't possibly be. She watched John as he set out the picnic food on the steps and she sat down cautiously next to it.

"Done this before?" she asked, more out of curiosity than anything else.

"Was just practicing for you," he replied, not looking at her.

She felt the humour in the situation die suddenly, he really cared about her, but she'd known that…she'd only slept three hours because she'd lay in bed for hours thinking about it the night before. She'd forgotten what it was like to start a relationship, it had been so many years since her and Simon…

She felt guilt rise up inside of her. Jack's letter had put her in such a good mood that she'd completely forgotten about Simon's.

"I got a letter from Simon," she stated, not sure why she was telling him.

"Who?" he asked.

She was take aback for a moment before realising she'd never actually told anyone on Atlantis about him, only Lieutenant Ford knew because of the filmings. "Simon…we were going out for almost four years before I left for Atlantis."

"You have someone back home?" John asked, freezing with a loaf of bread in his hands.

She looked at him. "I did…when we sent the tapes back to Earth…I told him to move on. I don't care about him the way I used to. He wrote in the letter that if he has to move on, so do I…"

John was silent for a few moments. "I got a letter…from General O'Neill, he told me that I'm to return to Earth next week. I'm afraid that he won't let me come back…"

Elizabeth felt a small smile tug at the corner of her lips. "Oh he will."

John looked at her again, raising an eyebrow. "What do you know that I don't?"

"Lots of things, you're not all knowing, John," she replied. "And you're not the only one who got a letter from General O'Neill."

"It wasn't so much a letter as a notice…" John said.

"Oh I got a letter, a big long once, incredibly informal for a General."

"I got 'Need you to come back here on the _Daedalus_ next week. See ya then!'…"

"Sounds about right…his mission reports were just as bad," Elizabeth smiled at the memory of reading through all the SGC reports, she'd always found his the most entertaining.

"You know, technically I'm not supposed to be out here with my superior having dinner, it's against Air Force regulations," John said, after a few moments of silence.

"I'm not in the Air Force," Elizabeth replied, firmly, meeting his eyes. "I don't go out into combat with you, and technically Colonel Caldwell is now your direct superior…"

"Don't remind me," John muttered, handing her a metal mug filled with some kind of alcohol. "But it still feels like I'm breaking the rules…"

"Since when have you cared about breaking the rules?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

"I dunno, it just dawned on me…" John turned to look out over the ocean. "I suppose it doesn't really matter out here…we're at war, and you can't stop feelings forming for people just because you're at war. This is our home…"

She watched him as his took a drink of the wine-like substance, the word _'home'_ echoing in her ears. This was their home, if they went back to Earth permanently it would never feel the same, it wouldn't be Atlantis.

"You don't have anyone back there…" she said cautiously.

"No," he replied, quietly. "I lost them all when I was nine…my parents, my sister…it was a car crash, I should've been with them…"

"John," she said, instinctively, reaching out and touching his arm lightly. "You survived for a reason…because you had a purpose to fulfil..."

"So did they," he replied, quietly. "But no one gave them a chance to do it…everyone around me has died, Elizabeth…"

He turned to look at her, the sadness in his eyes cutting into her. She'd never seen that much raw emotion in him, he hid it behind sarcastic comments, big grins, the only time she'd even had a hint at it was when she'd asked him if he wanted to send anything back to Earth. It had been a flash of emotions, one which at the time made little sense to her, but now made plenty of sense.

"My friends in Afghanistan, my family…I couldn't help them…that's why I was happy in Antarctica, it's why I didn't want to come to Atlantis…" he paused. "But something about you made me come…you seemed so determined to have me on your team, you and General O'Neill. He told me that if I didn't want to go through the Stargate I was 'wacked'. It made sense to me…you made sense to me…coming to Atlantis made sense to me…and I don't regret coming here – but I don't like dealing with the losses…"

"No one likes dealing with losses, John," she said. "For gods sake, I lost you…"

His eyes, which had dropped to the ground, instantly returned to looking at her.

"I…lost you," she repeated. "It wasn't until then that I realised how much I relied on you, how much you exactly meant…mean to me."

They both fell silent, taking in each other's words, thinking about everything that had happened. It was after a few minutes that she noticed him standing up slowly. She looked up and he held out his hand.

"Dance?" he asked.

"Dance?" she raised an eyebrow, a mischievous grin on her face.

He grinned back at her. "Come on…no one's going to see us."

"John there's no music!" she replied.

"I could sing…"

She narrowed her eyes at him, but took his hand and stood up. The two of them walked down the steps they were sitting on and stood facing each other. Then they danced, Elizabeth wasn't sure for how long, or exactly for what reason, but she knew that she was happy there, one of his arms on her waist and the other resting lightly just behind her shoulder.

"We missed it," he said quietly.

"What?" she asked, looking up at his face.

"The sunset," he replied, looking down at her.

"It doesn't matter," she smiled at him. "I'm having a great time."

He didn't reply, instead he kissed her again, but this time he kissed her properly, and he let her kiss him back. She reached her hand for the back of his neck and pulled herself as close to him as she possibly could. His arms found their way around her waist. Neither of them held back, it was a happy moment, not a moment of despair or of trying not to be seen by anyone else. It was just them, and a whole lot of time ahead of them.

**

* * *

**

"Aiden?"

Ford looked up from his book and smiled as he saw Teyla. "Hey."

"You think you can walk yet?" she asked, standing next to his bed.

"I doubt that," he replied. "It's all still incredibly numb down there."

"We'll have to settle for a wheelchair then," she said, signalling to the chair that sat next to his bed.

"How come you could walkagain fasterthan me?" he asked.

"I'm special," she replied, then the smile disappeared from her face for a moment. "It still hurts, but I try and ignore it."

"Well maybe you shouldn't walk so much…" Ford reply, frowning slightly.

"I will be fine," she said. "Come on, I want to show you something…"

She helped him into his wheelchair, which was becoming less of a challenge everyday – either because he was getting better or because they were becoming more practiced. Ford remained quiet as Teyla wheeled him to their destination. He had no idea where they were going, and at that moment he didn't really care, any excuse to get out of the infirmary was a good one – especially when it was with Teyla.

He wasn't entirely sure what he felt for her, but he knew they shared a special bond, one that could only be forged through shared experience. One they would have forever. They reached the balcony just outside the control room, neither of them could travel particularly far.

"Why are we here?" Ford asked as the door closed behind them, shutting them out.

"I wanted to show you the sky the way the Athosians see it," she said. "You'll have to lie down."

He let her help him get out of the chair and lie down on the cold hard floor of the balcony, it hurt him to lie there, but if it made her happy he didn't mind. She lay down next to him, silent for a few moments.

"So, uh, what are we looking at?" Ford asked.

"The sky," she replied. "You see the group of stars directly above us in the centre of the sky?"

"Uh, Iguess so…" he said.

"We have always seen that as the lost city of the ancestors…" she paused. "Atlantis…you see the tower in the centre, and all the other towers around it."

Ford squinted at it. He wasn't entirely sure he could see Atlantis in the stars, but he smiled and turned his head to look at Teyla.

"Whatever you think," he replied.

She looked at him. "You…are not looking hard enough."

"Hey I tried!" he grinned.

She slid closer to him and lifted his arm up, using her hand to point his finger in the direction of the constellation. 'There."

He looked again. She was right, there was something that vaguely resembled a city, he wasn't entirely sure it looked like Atlantis, but he could see where she was coming from.

"I see it," he replied.

"I am glad," she replied. "It has been important to my people for as long as we go back."

He shifted his vision from the sky to her hand on his. She had bruises and scarring all up her arm, and as usual wasn't wearing a top that covered her arms. He reached over with his other hand and ran it lightly over her skin. She looked at him, he could see her out of the corner of his eye. She tried to pull her arm away, but he felt himself automatically clasping his hand around her wrist.

"Aiden…" she said, quietly.

"Ssh," he muttered.

Without letting go of her wrist, he rolled his sleeve until it reached his elbow. Both their arms were now bending at the elbow, their forearms pointed at the sky. Ford watched as Teyla looked at his arm in the same fascination that he had at hers only moments earlier. His arm was worse, not only covered in scarring and bruises, but it was obvious where acid had been dripped onto it, those particular scars in long lines down his arm.

"I…" she didn't seem to have anything to say, but wanted to say something.

"You don't have to say anything," he replied. "I just need you to be here at the moment…you're the only one that understands…"

"I didn't go through as much as you," she whispered.

"You went through more…you can feel the Wraith, I can only imagine what that feels like," Ford moved his hand up to meet hers, their fingers finding each other's and clasping.

They let their arms fall so they lay between them, and Ford looked back up at the sky, at 'Atlantis', yet he could feel Teyla still staring at him.

"Why did you kiss me?" she asked, quietly.

He looked back at her. The question he'd been dreading all along, because he still wasn't sure why he'd done it. He felt something for her, that much he knew, but whether it was romantic or just strong friendship he couldn't distinguish.

"I don't know," he replied, truthfully. "I just…"

"Do you regret it?" she cut him off.

"No," he replied instantly.

"Then that is all I need to know," she replied, looking back up at the sky.

He did the same, knowing when he should stay quiet. He squeezed her hand slightly and was pleased to feel her squeeze his back. He wasn't sure exactly what was between them, but he knew that at least they would always share the connection of their horrific experience. He glanced down at their arms lying side by side, the scars and bruises. Over time they would fade, but the emotion surrounding it all wouldn't.

"Thank you," he said.

"What for?" Teyla replied.

"For bringing me out here," he replied.

"You're welcome."

* * *

**A/N: **_And here's where I'd really appreciate a review from all the people who read but don't review...cos I know you exist...pretty please! _

_Nah I don't really care, I've had fun writing this story and I hope you've all enjoyed it! Now it's time for season 2:-)! _


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